


Tell Me Your Bouquet's Story

by cledritch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Allergies, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, Calm Down Johnny, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitalization, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Instances of Unconventional/Conventional Soulmate Pairs, Language of Flowers, Love Triangles, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Platonic Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn, So is Dojae, Soft Taeyong, Soulmate-Identifying Flower Crowns, Taeyong is Whipped, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Winwin needs to be Protected, Yusol is goals, endgame johnwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cledritch/pseuds/cledritch
Summary: Johnny believed his soulmate was a problematic child who he didn't want to meet, choosing to pave his own relationships without letting his flower crown dictate him. Sicheng believed he might not live longer when he meets his soulmate, someone whose emotions were so spontaneous he is always equipped with medication and a Taeyong who hovers like a mother hen.They never met even when they could have always had the chance and when it happens, it's not only them who's affected.





	1. Tiny Bud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soulmate AU where your soulmate's emotions are indicated by the flower crowns you are born with, the language of flowers common knowledge. If your soulmate brushes past you without you directly meeting, clusters of flowers will grow on your skin that fall out when you meet them properly.

The sneezing started when he felt a shift on his hair, the buds blooming like they usually did and he had the unfortunate luck of shaking his head enough that pollen fell right to his nose. Before he knew it, he's doubled over and having a hard time breathing as he kept sneezing dryly.

Taeyong, who had been in the middle of his story about this one rude lady who asked him if he needed therapy for his 'loss', immediately went to his side with his anti-allergy medication on hand despite the rising panic on his face. "Winwin-ah, drink this."

Sicheng hacked a little as the elder forced the pill into his mouth and almost gagged at the dryness of it as it slid down his throat but he grabbed Taeyong's wrist by instinct, letting the pulse he felt help him even out his breathing.

"Are you alright? Do you need your inhaler?" Taeyong placed his other hand on top of the one around his wrist, rubbing comforting circles around it as Sicheng settled down. The younger smiled, nodding at the elder. Taeyong made a move to grab the extra inhaler he kept inside his bag but Sicheng only tugged at his wrist.

"Hyung, I'm fine now." he croaked out, turning to his bag to fetch his mirror. He held the small compact over his hair and sighed at the sight of hollyhock weaving through the blooms of amaryllis that decorated his head. He made a note to wear his mask through the day when he saw little bells of Ireland about to pop out beneath the other two flowers.

Taeyong nudged him, lips set to a thin line and is about to say something but Sicheng holds his wrist again, smiling at him so as to comfort him. The elder doesn't return it, still worried and over-thinking again. There is someone clearing their throat and both of them whip their heads at Professor Min who looked like he is torn between discomfort and understanding. The older man crossed his arms as he said "I understand that you were in some life-death situation but I don't think it's necessary now because Mr. Dong here is fine. Listen to the discussion and if you don't feel well, go to the nurse's office."

Their entire class made small snickers and they are then reminded that they are in their Music Theory, Sicheng's allergies always triggering Taeyong's motherly instincts and both of them laughed with everyone as Professor Min went back to explaining the pitch and bars effect for conveying tempo.

 

Dong Sicheng is allergic to flowers.

When he told people that, they'd look at him with a funny expression. They would either tell him comforting words at how it was unfortunate he almost sneezed a lung out at the whiff of the petals or straight out tell him how he's basically pollen away from death that he'd be a burden to his soul mate like he asked to be born like this. They kept telling him how fucked up he is for even having such a thing when everyone carried flowers with them everywhere they went and he was always in harm's way. A funny thing to hear where your destiny is led by flowers and here was a boy who has been a frequent user of allergy meds just from passing by a flower shop.

Sicheng's always been allergic, his baby photos showing his head showcasing flowers in full bloom despite his hair not even growing yet that told him his soulmate was older and the medical bills his parents tucked in his baby album that spoke of how he acquired asthma when he was a few months old because the petals that fell from one of the daffodils accidentally ended in his mouth.

Growing up, he was treated carefully. He found his parents being discreet in their feelings so as to not disturb his allergies. They'd try to keep their emotions in check, their flowers desperately trying not to bloom as they watched him walk around with an inhaler in the front pocket of his jumper while his hair is a garden of flowers that spoke of someone that was forced to grow up too early and Sicheng is the one who endured the abrupt changes that brought pollen and petals in its wake.

No matter how beautiful the bond he could make with his soulmate, he didn't need to hear the worry in his parents' mind to know they wished he never would meet them. Not when it meant if he missed them, he would be making his one way ticket to the operating room if they rejected him.

The flowers were other people's blessing. To Sicheng, they might as well be his curse.

 

"Winwin!"

Sicheng turned to look over his shoulder, smiling under his mask at the nickname as Taeyong bounded over next to him with a plastic bag balanced on his arm. He noted how he looked tired from his last class for the day but Taeyong always seemed to be masking it with his enthusiasm and it rubs on Sicheng that he too feels his fatigue melt away.

"Hello, Taeyong-hyung." he greeted him.

Taeyong went through the contents of his plastic bag before he pulled out a cup of ice cream and gave it to him. "Here. You need it after Music Theory. It'll wash off the lethargy you might feel from the meds."

Sicheng accepted it, immediately opening the lid and taking the spoon Taeyong passed to him as he then scooped a mouthful of the creamy cold treat into his mouth after he pulled down his mask to his chin. He hummed as the two of them passed the cafeteria, turning to the elder and saying "Thank you. For before."

Taeyong doesn't say anything the whole time Sicheng ate, taking the empty cup when the younger was done and even taking the liberty to pull his mask back on , looking at him fondly as he said "Hey, what kind of friend am I if I let you suffer?"

"Definitely the friend who gets friend-zoned." Sicheng turned to see who cut into their conversation, but someone wraps their arms around him and there are daisies in his line of sight before he realized who it was.

"Yuta-hyung." he said as he moved his head away from the flowers surrounding the other's brown hair out of safety.

The Japanese smiling representative (self-proclaimed until their circle of friends began to use it excessively) yelled a "Winwin-ah!" before he moved back to touch the younger's face. "I heard from Professor Jung you got an allergy attack in Professor Min's class. Are you okay?"

Taeyong pushed Yuta a little further away from Sicheng to give him room to  breathe as he replied "It was milder at most. You don't have to worry."

"Ah, so Yongie helped you. I didn't need to worry after all," Yuta said, nodding to himself as he walked with them to the courtyard where the others were. "That's really good that he's taking care of you."

"He always takes care of us. Like a grandfather." Sicheng teased, lips stretching to a grin as Taeyong pushed him lightly.

Yuta shook his head, slinging an arm around their shoulders before pulling them closer to him "He's more careful with you, our giant baby." he sing-songed and Taeyong pushed him off.

"Someone has to! His soulmate isn't even considerate and he's moving from one emotion to another that he's basically giving Sicheng a headache."

Sicheng chose this moment to say "Not really." and Yuta ruffled his hair, minding the flowers so he didn't scatter pollen around.

"He's like a second mom, nagging and all."

Taeyong rolled his eyes. "I'm going to look for our table. Away from ungrateful people." he sped up his pace that he walked ahead of the two foreigners who looked at each other before Yuta laughed at Taeyong who even from the back looked like he was sulking.

He turned to Sicheng, a small smile on his lips as he said "You sure you're okay? Professor Jung made it sound like you were about to die from a heart attack and Professor Min sported a very atrocious arrangement around his head."

Sicheng can imagine how the tiny but steely-eyed teacher looked, his crown of dark crimson roses, poppies and a wayward oleander around his head as he stopped class because he knew his lover was panicking about something and he chuckled at the image. "Taeyong-hyung helped me."

Yuta sighed. "I really shouldn't doubt you'd  be fine with him always at your beck and call. If you even asked him to get you all natural herbs for your medicine, he'd probably go to some remote temple and ask the monks for the secret of herbal healing."

Sicheng raised a brow, almost curious before he laughed. "That's too much."

"I'm convinced he's your soulmate." Yuta said without thinking, Sicheng's eyes widening as he looked at the other with a look of of warning. The Japanese boy realized what he said and clamped a hand over his mouth and both of them looked over to Taeyong who didn't seem to have heard them.

Sicheng couldn't help but look over at Taeyong's black hair, soft-looking and free from flowers that decorated almost everyone else. Taeyong turned to them as he sat with their friends, waving his hand to call them over. Yuta and Sicheng shared a look as they walked over to him and decided to never bring that up again.

Taeyong was someone Sicheng is most comfortable with and one of the reasons why was because he didn't have the flowers that made Sicheng allergic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hollyhock - Ambition  
> amaryllis - pride  
> bells of ireland - Good Luck  
> daisies - innocence; Loyal Love; I'll Never Tell; Purity  
> crimson roses - Mourning  
> poppies - Eternal Sleep; Oblivion; Imagination  
> oleander - Caution


	2. Tiny Sprout

On the other side of campus, Mark is laughing like a dying seal and clapping his hands because he couldn't take the expression on Johnny's face.

In their practice room covered in mirrors, it was easy to see the change in their flower crowns and Johnny had been in the middle of the choreography he made for their midterm as he made a complicated twist that caused him to land on his tiptoe when he felt them bloom.

"Hey, your flowers are changing." Mark pointed out, busy getting his breathing even from where he sat with his back to the wall.

 High from his safe landing and how he had managed to finish the choreography that he was sure he could pass easily, he first made way to grab his water bottle and drinking from it before looking at his reflection. Johnny only spat out his water, choking on it at the same time and Mark started laughing.

A cluster of petunias, orange lilies and marigold greeted him like an eyesore of colors and he clicked his tongue. "They're always doing this. What kind of angry teenage rebel is my soulmate?"

Mark having recovered from his laughing fit, wiped a tear from his eye and asked "What the hell, man?"

Johnny brushed his fingers on the orange lilies "This isn't the first time I got this arrangement," he said and took another sip of his water "I didn't get my crown until I was two so it makes sense they're younger than me and always going through the 'I hate the world' phase."

The younger looked over at the flowers, thinking to himself and said "You know, maybe they have some problem going on that you don't know."

"Just because I know what they're feeling, I can't force myself to look for this kid. I might be a cradle robber for all we know and they're underage. I still have midterms to think about and if they want to hate the world then they better suck it up because life is shitty."

Mark snorted. "Who passed you the salt?"

Johnny doesn't reply and continued practicing. He ignored how Mark seemed to be contemplating something. When almost thirty minutes passed, it was now Mark who was choking on his water as Johnny felt the shift in the flowers like it always did. He's dabbling on the steps as he kept his eyes away from the lily of the valleys, mayflowers, white poppies and dark pink roses that only sent a bitter taste at the tip of his tongue.

 

Seo Youngho, more known as Johnny, resented his soulmate.

He resented the idea of being tied down at first, that the floral arrangement around his head dictated who would be the one to understand him and love him unconditionally. It stemmed from seeing his parents, who weren't soulmates but still managing to live together and his lack of flowers that made his mother cry when he was born. Her sadness didn't match the jovial sunflowers around his father's head as he held her sobbing form as the nurses and doctors realized that these two weren't soulmates and they looked at both of them with pity  as they handed the tiny bundle whose bald head suggested two things: Johnny didn't have a soulmate or their soulmate died. They didn't know which was worse.

Still, they raised him the best they could and ignoring the prying eyes of the people around them. His grandparents were welcoming towards him, having him over their house and going as far as making him an artificial flower crown they made from flowers in their garden to make him feel better as he asked why he didn't have one like the other kids.

He recalled some schoolyard bully yelling "You don't have a soulmate because you're a freak! Because your parents aren't meant to be together!" Johnny came home with a black eye and bruised knuckles for defending his parents at the tender age of one. He understood better than children his age, something he was grateful and unhappy about at the same time.

Johnny won't lie about when he was two years old, waking up feeling something weird around his head and when his tiny fingers felt soft petals, he bounded out of bed and looked in the mirror to see closed buds sprouting out of his head. His parents hugged him tightly, smiles on their faces and Johnny never felt happier. Not because of the flowers themselves but because now, he will be able to lessen the heaviness his parents felt when he was being bullied for his lack of flowers.

It could have been better except the first flowers that bloomed on his crown had been orange lilies.

And at the age of three, he assumed that his soulmate wasn't going to be a nice person. His soulmate could be like his uncle with his mean words about how his parents are going to divorce because they'll always be drawn to their soulmate or be that aunt who always pulled his ear because he didn't tell her where his father kept his money and that he should have never been born.

Johnny was never more grateful that he went with his father when he was sent to work to South Korea, away from the stupidity of his relatives but it also meant leaving his mother to be poisoned by their words.

His soulmate didn't help with their onslaught of hatred and despair, not knowing about the bigger problems that other people had and since then he's vowed that he would never fall for the magnetic pull that would lead him to his soulmate. If they were like the emotions they felt, he'd rather never meet them at all.

 

 

Johnny felt like he was being exploited, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the assortment of chocolate that Ten dumped into a bowl that had been melting in the room's temperature. "Run me down that again?"

The Thai boy's smile widened as he reached a finger into the clump of chocolate but Johnny grabbed his wrist "Hey, come on. I'm checking if it's sweet or not."

Johnny gave him his best deadpan look and said "You haven't washed your hands and you want to taste-test. Crazy."

Ten scowled and grabbed a whisk, putting it inside the bowl as he started to mix the goop. "Why are you always trying to kill my vibe?"

"Why are you always complaining?"

"Why did we date again?"

Johnny rolled his eyes, making a show of gagging. "Because I thought you were charismatic and you wanted to sleep with me so we went with it."

Ten mirrorred his actions, clutching his stomach. "Hah, I thought it was because you didn't want to conform to soulmate norms and you could quote-unquote make your own choices on who you want to be with." The elder hit his fist against Ten's temple hard enough to make him knock his head to the side. "Hey!"

"I hope your soulmate ties you down because you need to settle down," Johnny mumbled before he remembers what he wanted to ask "Why are you making a cake again?"

Ten adjusted the hat over his head as he continued mixing. "Well, I wanted to give it to Taeyong."

Johnny raised a brow, snorting. Ten glared at him because he knew what Johnny was about to say and he's heard it again and again but this is Johnny we're talking about so he voices it out. "What is it, Seo?"

"I think Taeyong has a boyfriend," Johnny said, leaning on the counter by the hip and crossing his arms "At least, from what Hansol's told me."

Ten almost slammed the bowl down the table. "Johnny, you seem to forget he's our friend and that he's going to be part of the dance team we're arranging."

He smiled, remembering how clumsy Taeyong is when they first met and how he wasn't making people give him a wide berth because he lost his soulmate. It's what the rumors around the university said: flowerless Lee Taeyong who was handsome and talented that everyone wanted to try dating him even when it was apparent he couldn't be their soulmate. Some steered clear of him, pitying him or even going as far as telling him if he needed counseling. They got along well, being the same age and having a lot in common so it was easy for him to befriend him. One thing that did bother Johnny about him is that he was very attached to this one kid he never got tired of talking about and going as far as stocking up on medicine because he was sickly.

"How is that kid he's obsessed with, by the way? I still can't believe he's whipped for someone he can never have."

Ten glared at him, clearly offended at what Johnny said. "That's low, even for you."

Johnny's eyebrows furrowed, confused at the sudden hostility. "What? Listen, the reality of his situation is he's going to end up lost when the kid finds their soulmate. Someone who is made for them in every sense and he'll have to compete with that-"

"For someone who hates being tied down by the norms, you sure have a basic mindset to it," Ten rolled his eyes at Johnny's scoff and continued "You probably don't know why he's protective of Winwin. You never met him before but with how tight-knit our circle is, you will sooner or later. You'll understand why."

Somehow, that sounded like a prediction but Johnny brushed it off and proceeded to yell at Ten when he caught him dipping his fingers in the chocolate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petunias - Resentment; Anger; Your Presence Soothes me  
> orange lilies - Hatred  
> marigold - Cruelty: Grief Jealousy  
> lily of the valleys - Sweetness, humility, returning happiness, Trust  
> mayflowers - Welcome  
> white poppies - Consolation, dreams, modern, peace  
> dark pink roses - Thankfulness


	3. Clustered

Sicheng shuffled into his room, muttering about the things he needed to study for and picking up his phone from the bedside table to read his messages.

He's thinking about what Yuta had said before, about Taeyong and he tries to think about the idea that if there were someone perfect for him then no one was safe as the elder. Sicheng had always been seeking Taeyong no matter what the situation, his mind at ease whenever it's about him and the blanket of warmth he always seemed to surround Sicheng with when he took care of him.

He saw Kun popping his head into his opened doorway, smile on his face as he asked, "Oh, hey. What do you want for dinner?" His roommate looked like he was about to go out, dressed up for class when Sicheng knew he didn't have a class for the night.

He mulled over the possible choices. Chinese food was no where near the taste of real Chinese cuisine and he knew it might just make him homesick while Thai food wasn't ideal for him because the spiciness might only make him hungrier. Sicheng then settled with chicken, saying as much to Kun.

Kun nodded, disappearing from his sight and he heard the door being opened and closed signalling he's finally alone in their dorm.

 Sicheng chose this moment to read his messages from Yuta, Ten and Taeyong. He read Yuta's first about their impending group project's deadline and the rest of his message are some Korean words the elder gave him to practice, punctuating with a smiley that he wanted an audio clip. He smiled and moved to Ten's, reminding him about their plans for Taeyong's surprise party this weekend and that he was tasked to stall the latter like usual. He replied curtly that he will need to accompany Taeyong even to his classes and there is a possibility that he would make him stay away because his class for that day was outside in the courtyard where the plants were blooming flowers. He smiled when he read the rest from Taeyong, telling him to take care and stay hydrated otherwise he'll feel more lethargic and listing down the medicine he has on hand. Sicheng stopped at the last message, a picture of a new ice cream flavor that Taeyong wanted him to try and the convenience store near his dorm was having a sale on it.

He thought about the pros and cons of going outside. It was already 8 PM, the coldness of the night making people stay inside and thus there would be less people that would come in contact with him. It wasn't going to take him long and he'll even wear a mask for good measure.

"Okay." he told himself as he pulled on a sweater and dug into his bag for his mask, placing it on his face. Tucking his phone and wallet into the front pockets of his sweater, he went to the door mindful to also grab his keys and locking it behind him. Kun has a spare key with him at all times so he didn't need to worry about him calling in the middle of his trip asking where he was.

The walk to the convenience store was uneventful, cold air making his breath turn to white puffs every time he exhaled as he saw it was safe to pull down his mask and when he stepped into the air-conditioned space, he shivered. Sicheng made a beeline to the freezers and immediately brightened up when he saw the tub of ice cream with the same flavor as the one in the photo.

Sicheng is pulling out two tubs, hissing when his fingers came contact with the ice on the sides of the inside of the freezer when he felt a strange sensation on his cheek. Almost like a caress, he didn't mind it much until he is hit with the change in the flowers around his head. Instinctively, he placed his hand to his nose to cover but the he is assaulted with the overpowering smell of violets.

The coughing fit started as he inhaled too fast, the sudden onslaught making him tumble back and he gasped, chest constricting as he bent over holding his stomach with how every cough felt like it was trying to rip his lungs out of his body. He let out a sneeze as his nose began to itch and he put his knuckles to wipe away the snot only to get flowers into his nostrils. He sneezed and coughed at the same time, eyes watering at the new wave of nausea overcoming him and he saw a blur of purple on the back of his hand.

This made Sicheng stop and he used his free hand to wipe away the tears, the clarity of vision assaulted with violets on his wrist. He looked at his other hand, horrified at the same cluster of purple flowers dotting his knuckles and he gagged at the sudden constricting pain in his chest. He looked up at the reflective mirror above and is greeted with lavender heather and violets blooming from the nape of his neck to create a path to his cheek.

His coughing fit became painful dry heaving that his breath was coming out in pitched gasps as he desperately grabbed his phone to dial Kun's number but it slipped from his grasp and clattered on the floor with a loud thud. Sicheng went to grab it but his legs gave out and he screamed when he fell chest first to the floor.

By now, his struggle had attracted the staff who upon looking over to what was happening began yelling at the other people in the store to call an ambulance. Sicheng made a grab for his phone, speed-dialing Taeyong because it's what he can still remember at this point amidst his pain.

Sicheng is coherent enough to hear Taeyong's voice from the other line before he slipped from consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> purple violets - Daydreaming  
> lavender heathers - Admiration; Solitude


	4. Pollination

Johnny pointedly ignored the look of dawning realization on Ten's face when he arrived to their table with his hood up and covered from head to toe. There is a silence between them, Hansol looking over at him as Yuta is busy texting up a storm, Taeil eating his lunch and for some reason, Taeyong was missing when he said he would be sitting with them today. But his abscense is not the agenda that needed to be addressed and Ten all but yelled "Oh my god you were close to them."

"Shut the hell up." he muttered underneath his breath as he pulled his hood lower to hide his flowers.

"Why are you embarassed? It's not that bad! It means they're here like I always said." Ten has the decency to sound smug as he reached over to clap him on the back but Johnny moved away from his touch.

He's not embarassed. In fact, for the first time in his life he felt worried for this stranger who carried his emotions around as Johnny did to his. Imagine his surprise when he came back from his nightly walk through the neighborhood to find that there were flowers blooming where they hadn't before. The alarming aspect of it all is that he had deciphered from them that his soulmate was experiencing negative emotions, worse than the orange lilies from before and he's scared. It's a strange feeling, the plummeting sensation in his gut that made him want to run back his path to which he did, passing by the houses hoping he would find that person. It took up most of his morning, turning up late to class because he went to the convenience store to fetch a drink and looking at the mirror only to find the flowers unchanging.

His hood being pulled down jerked him away from his thoughts, protests already dying on his throat when Ten looked at the arrangement of  sweet peas, poppies and yellow carnations. It doesn't help that the carnations bloomed at the apples of his cheeks before disappearing into the path of poppies and hydrangeas around his collar. The Thai boy gasped, fear in his eyes.

"Johnny. What's-"

He gulped, unsure what to say. There is a helplessness in his chest he didn't like because his soulmate could be dying and they haven't even met. His antagonistic idea of this person flashing through his head without even thinking properly and judgin them through the flowers. Emotions are complex and it's not black and white so how didn't he see it? But he won't tell Ten that and he won't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much Johnny messed up until he met his soulmate.

Yuta chose this silence to gasp, jumping out of his seat with his phone now at his ear. "-Okay. I'll tell the teachers. We'll drop by after class and bring you them," he dug through his bag for a pen and paper to write something down while he balanced the phone on his shoulder. Johnny turned to look at Ten who looked clueless like the rest of them "Got the address. See you."

The Japanese boy ended the call and he looked worried as he looked over everyone. "Winwin is in the hospital."

The chorus of "What?", "Goddamit how?" and "So that's why Taeyong's gone" echoed in their small table that even Taeil and Hansol stopped what they were doing. Taeil stood up, looking over what Yuta wrote and said "I'll buy those for you. You go and notify the teachers about it."

Johnny is confused but then Ten is also volunteering them both to visit the hospital to look after the boy because from what Taeyong told Yuta the doctors were still putting him under observation. It all sounded so grave when he walked next to Ten and asked him if the kid got into an accident he is surprised when the younger replied with "Winwin-ah is allergic to flowers."

The sudden constriction inside his chest when he heard those words stayed with him through his class.

 

"Can I ask where South Room 15-B?" Ten told the woman behind the counter, arms full of  bags that held food and clothes for both Taeyong and the Winwin kid. Johnny lingered behind him, sweating under his hoodie but he doesn't trust people who like gawking at the clusters on his skin and he'd rather cheer up Taeyong and get this over with. Oddly enough, the material of his hoodie made him aware that there are more flowers growing on his skin, afraid of what this meant. He's picking at the loose ends of his sleeves when the woman said something that makes him freeze.

"Oh? SR15B patient Dong Sicheng's friends?" The name clings to his mind, like a magnet he can't repel and he moves closer to Ten without any thought as the woman continues "Poor boy got a severe reaction when he started getting flowers all over him and he's been unresponsive since last night. To the left, make a turn and then follow the signs."

Ten thanked her as he gave one of the bags to Johnny before dragging him to where the woman pointed. "No wonder he's in a worse condition. He probably didn't know."

"How does his allergies work?" Johnny found himself asking as the passed the turn and saw the signs above that indicated that SR15B was on the third floor. He thought back to the instances that Taeyong pulled out a long pill box filled with assortments of colorful pills and how he diligently counted them before writing down whatever was missing or needed refill. It couldn't be that bad but with how meticulous Taeyong was, a little is already going a long way.

They entered the elevator, Ten pressing the number three button before he answered him. He chuckled a little, adjusting the bag in his hands and said "That's the funny thing. Before it even gets to the point it's life-threatening, there's always Taeyong who has the medicine ready. It's common sense that people around him should know how to take care of him when it happens but," the elevator pinged as they reached the third floor and they went out "I don't think I would know a thing when he gets an attack and I was near. Heck, not even Yuta or even Kun have the extensive knowledge Taeyong has about Sicheng's condition. That devotion..."

Both of them stopped in front of the room with a gold plate with the room number engraved on it. Johnny looked over at Ten, noting how soft his gaze was and he smiled at the elder before finishing "The devotion Taeyong shows is something usually reserved for soulmates."

The admission is tough, like a wound that stayed open even after years of self-recovery and endless support. Back then when Johnny and Ten first met Taeyong, he was nothing but thoughtful with how he took care of everyone around them and worked hard in whatever he was passionate for that he often overlooked himself. He didn't look at the world in an angry light for leaving him incomplete, the stark difference of his flower-free hair wasn't making him less of a talented dancer. In fact, he saw it as a chance of reform after the things he's done in the past and strove to be where he was right now.

Ten excused himself to answer his phone and gave Johnny the remaining bag, instructing him to just get inside because Taeyong might be sleeping after staying up the whole night looking after Sicheng. The elder rolled his eyes as he reached out to turn the door handle, pushing the door open slowly so as not to disturb anyone in the room.

Johnny was about to close the door when from the corner of his eyes he saw movement and he looked up in time to find something that stopped him in his tracks.

The first thing he saw was the boy on the bed, hooked to the heart monitor and an IV drip with the dextrose needle pierced on the back of his hand hanging on the metal hook above him. The whiteness of the room creates a stark contrast against the flowers on him, clumps of violet squished by his nape and scattering to his cheek but the crown around his head shifted almost immediately into white poppies and rues. His breath is caught in his throat when he felt the the carnations on his cheek start to feel heavier.

This was impossible.

Taeyong sat at the edge of the hospital bed, fingers brushing off the stray flower petals that rested near the oxygen mask on Sicheng's nose and mouth. He furrowed his brow at the sudden change of the flowers on the other's hair, sighing as he placed a soft kiss on Sicheng's forehead mindful to not disturb him. From where Johnny is standing, he can see the fondness in Taeyong's face that melted into resignation and worry that made him slump a bit.

If Johnny didn't have a hard time breathing before, he certainly was now. It's Ten voice ringing in his ears as he saw the scene unfold before him with a strange twisting inside his gut.

_The devotion Taeyong shows is something usually reserved for soulmates._

The words rang again when he moved closer, already aware that the carnations on his cheek are drying up. Taeyong is about to open his mouth when his fingers catch something on Sicheng's face and he looked down, confused. The crown of poppies and rue immediately shifting into purple hyacinths that made Sicheng's eyebrows twitch. He soothed the younger with a sigh, eyes still focused on the younger despite the haze of sleep that's about to overcome him. It was obvious he was half-asleep probably staying awake the whole night to see if Sicheng would wake up and this showed with how he turned to the door squinting at Johnny.

"Johnny?" he called out, breaking out into a small smile as the other waved. There's an awkward air around him as Taeyong started to move away from the boy on the bed. "Hey, I didn't hear you coming in?"

"Ten's with me but he left to go to the bathroom," he gestured the bags in his hands, eyes trying to stay at Taeyong's face instead of wandering somewhere else.

Taeyong yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "I need to go to the bathroom too, now that you mention it," the boy looked over his shoulder to spare a glance at the peaceful Sicheng before he turned back to Johnny, narrowly missing the unconscious glare he gave him when he wasn't looking "Can you watch him over for me?"

Johnny couldn't help but smirk at that, pushing the laughter he wanted to release back down and he shook his head. "I need to wait for Ten first. So can you wait for a few more minutes?" he lied and without even waiting for Taeyong's answer went out the door and closed it behind him.

He never knew walking out would feel so heavy that he couldn't let go of the door handle, entire body protesting when he left and there is a sudden yearning inside him to go back inside. But he can't and he should know better than trying to move into the room with how he is the reason Sicheng was in there in the first place.

Ten found him that way, torn between going back inside with his hand still holding the handle and said "Hey, you okay? Did you see Taeyong?"

"I don't feel well all of a sudden," he placed a hand to his mouth, faking an uneasy look "The hospital is making me sick."

"Ironic, isn't it?" Ten laughed as he removed Johnny's hand and opened the door but the latter stopped him just to tell him he was going home. Ten doesn't think much to it because he might have taken in consideration Johnny didn't have any more business here and it would be awkward to stay.

When Johnny arrived in his empty dorm, he ran a bath by filling the bath tub to the rim and dropping his clothes to the floor when he took them off near it, submerging himself immediately.

Running a hand through his hair, he brushed against one of the flowers rooted in his hair and looked down at the water. Johnny couldn't help but reach to his cheek and pull out the carnation to drop it to the water where it joined the floating cluster of petals that came off his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweet peas - Good-bye; Departure; Blissful Pleasure; Thank You for a Lovely Time  
> poppies - Eternal Sleep; Oblivion; Imagination  
> yellow carnations - You Have Disappointed Me; Rejection  
> hydrangeas - Thank You for Understanding; Frigidity; Heartlessness  
> white poppies - Consolation  
> rues - Regret, sorrow, repentance  
> purple hyacinth - I Am Sorry; Please Forgive Me: Sorrow


	5. Growth

Sicheng dreamt.

It was a premonition perhaps, his allergies finally fed up with him surviving after all this time. This was the worst attack he had since his younger years where his immune system was weaker. Maybe he's moving towards the afterlife, sitting in this black and white room while he held a scarlet zinnia between his open palms, legs crossed and noting how he felt lighter than he usually did these days when he's holding something that was his cause of death.

In this place, Sicheng can think of anything. He can think of how his soulmate cost him his life for even brushing past him without knowing, both of them unaware that they had missed the other part of themselves in a blink of an eye. The stars always seemed to arrange the meetings but as beautiful the stories are of meeting your soulmate and the flowers falling softly like it did in movies, they are cruel in arranging the cosmos into predetermined states.

He then thought of the crown around his soulmate's head wilting, painful to them as their bond is broken and the empty feeling they will feel is going to haunt them for the rest of their life. He's seen Taeyong's longing look at his flower crown when he thought Sicheng wasn't looking and in turn, he would lean his head to let the softness of the petals brushing his cheek to comfort the elder. Who would comfort the people he's leaving behind?

He sighed.

There's a jolt in his body that made him look around, confusion as he felt his entire being wanting to run. Run where? He doesn't know what he should be following but the zinnia crumbled in his hand into ash he discarded to the ground before he stood up.

Sicheng looked over to where he can feel it the strongest, not sparing a glance at the bud of lotus that grew from the ashes.

It was then he woke up in a hospital, gasping into the oxygen mask. His vision is still blurry but there's someone suddenly holding onto him enough that it's familliar but not choking him. There's a heaviness in his limbs as he struggled to place his hand on Taeyong's back knowing the other must be worried to death especially how he called him before he fainted.

"I thought you were going to take your sweet time waking up, you idiot." he muttered and buried his face deeper into Sicheng's neck.

There's a noise that came out of Sicheng's mouth that sounded like a vague laugh despite how croaked it was and he smiled at the comforting feeling of Taeyong's hair on his cheek. The elder probably was hiding the teary-eyed look he was sporting because he felt a dampness on his neck.

He opened his mouth to say it but he coughed instead and Taeyong rushed over to a button over his head. "I'm calling the nurse. Don't move so much yet. They said you might feel weird because you've been sleeping for three days."

Sicheng grimaced when he looked at the weariness in Taeyong's face, dark circles under his eyes and he made a note to pay him back any way he can. These days the elder would brush off his offers for food or maybe doing work for him and he really should be giving back the effort Taeyong gives him otherwise he'll feel like a freeloader that's taking advantage of his kindness.

"Oh?" he breathed out when he touched his cheek and is reminded why he was in the hospital. "Hyung-" his voice sounded pitiful that Taeyong immediately clicked his tongue in disapproval.

"Don't talk too much yet," So Sicheng pointed at the lack of clusters on him and Taeyong looked at him with an unreadable expression before answering "I know. I guess you met your soulmate in this hospital."

It didn't make sense but the nurses came in with a tray of food and a doctor checked on his vitals, Sicheng holding Taeyong's hand through it all because for some reason he felt like he wanted to hold something close.

Probably the medicine, he mused.

 

There's a congratulatory party for both him and Taeyong the following weekend, celebrating his release from the hospital and Taeyong's successful establishment of their dance team set to compete in the school's anniversary fair.  Ten patted him on the back when he came back to their table, saying how he still managed to do the task assigned to him despite being in a hospital bed to which Taeyong gave him a dirty look and hitting his arm. The elder had been nothing but attentive like he usually was, even to the point of unbearing and Sicheng wondered when he'd be able to walk outside without Taeyong behind him watching like a hawk. Still, he settled with the arrangements and here he was now, nursing a cup of mixed juice that smelled like cranberry while everyone dragged Taeyong over to talk to him about the things he missed taking care of Sicheng in the hospital.

He took a sip of his drink, humming at taste as he looked over his friends who were doing their own things. Ten and Taeyong were arguing over the cake that the former made, saying things like how he managed to make it better the fifth time. Yuta is speaking to Hansol, flower crowns blooming into matching blue blooms of delphinum as they discussed about something he can't hear but probably about Hansol's hometown when Yuta started mimicking the satoori. Taeil is herding Donghyuk and Mark who Taeyong introduced to him before, friends of theirs from the Dance Department, yells resonating as Mark unplugged Donghyuk's controller and the other trottled him for it.

It's rowdy but Sicheng stayed silent when Jaehyun waved at him, looking like he's about to come near but Doyoung dragged him at the last minute, wanting to play against Mark and Donghyuk even if the younger ones are too busy play-fighting to see them approach.  He's alone again, thinking to himself and there's this sudden urge to look up from where he staring into the bottom of his cup.

There's someone next to him before he could follow it though. "Hey, why is the celebrant alone?"

Sicheng flinched in surprise, almost dropping his cup if not for the palm that supported the bottom of it before it slipped. Their fingers brushed, some static traveling through Sicheng's body and he moved away to look at who it was. Taller than him, brown hair that curled over dark eyes as the tips of the begonias and lavender heather barely brushing the top of his forehead, he's recalled this was Taeyong's friend who he didn't have time to speak to after everyone dragged him over to eat.

"Hello?" he said unsure if he was told his name and his eyes wandered over to Taeyong but the other opened his mouth again.

"I don't think they properly let us meet but," he extended his hand "I'm Johnny. Youngho Seo but just call me Johnny."

Sicheng looked at the hand, eyes wide because he felt uncomfortable taking it. As rude as it was to refuse it, he was more worried about the pollen that lingered there judging from how in disarray Johnny's hair was. "I'm sorry but-" he gestured with his hand up to his head and the other withdrew his, embarrassed.

"Oh! Right! Right, allergies. I forgot about that." Johnny's smile turned shy as he leaned on the wall next to Sicheng, shoving his hands into his pockets lest he made himself even more of a fool. It looked endearing enough that Sicheng had to hide his smile into the rim of his cup.

"I'm-" he said the same time Johnny also cuts in with "So should I call you Winwin or is Sicheng more comfortable?"

Instinctively, Sicheng replied "Dong Sicheng is my name, not that kid who has allergies." Heat overcame his cheeks when he realized it, mouth opening and closing without knowing what to say to remedy the situation.

"So is it safe to shake your hand now that you aren't the one who was hospitalized and this whole party is for the wrong person?" Johnny replied without missing a beat and the smirk he has on didn't match the teasing glint in his eyes.

"Please wipe your hands. It's not a good feeling to cough yourself to death."

"I won't let that happen." Johnny replied, eyes looking at Sicheng with a strange intensity before he jerked his head to Taeyong's direction. "Or someone won't let me do that."

They paused before bursting into little snorts of laughter at their own awkwardness. Sicheng doesn't know how his chest is so light, sparing glances at Johnny who seemed to be comfortable with talking to him unlike most who seem to wear kid gloves when they're near him. The other is careful but not too much that he skirted around his condition yet keeping that easygoing air with him as he spoke.

It's refreshing and Sicheng almost felt like they've known each other longer than a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scarlet zinnia - Constancy  
> lotus - spiritual awakening or enlightenment.  
> delphinum - Levity, fun, big-hearted, ardent attachment, joy  
> begonias - Beware  
> lavender heathers - Solitude, beauty, admiration


	6. Basked Sunlight

Johnny doesn't like the look Ten sent him when he said he was going out.

It's the same one he wore after he found the elder near Sicheng just making small talk, smiling carelessly at each other. It's a face full of suspicion, eyes squinted at him with his mouth parted into disbelief as Johnny raised his eyebrows at him. He doesn't say anything about it but what made it worse is the lingering stares on his flowers. If Ten had been staring at them then he would have seen how the changes synced with Sicheng's and vice versa. The Thai boy was perceptive especially when he's trying to figure Johnny out, eyes making the accusations he can't say out loud because Taeyong is in the vicinity.

Taeyong who thanked him for looking after Sicheng when they came back to their shared dorm, wide grin showing how he really was glad that Johnny made time to accompany the younger because Taeyong was preoccupied. It was so hard to return that smile but he did it while hiding the ugly stirring in his gut.

So when Ten looked up again from where he was sat on the sofa, Johnny piped up with a "Anything I can buy for you?"

"Well, not really." is the reply he got, judging eyes glued to him and Johnny shrugged it off, walking out the door without much thought.

He doesn't have a destination. The decision to walk around was made on a whim as Taeyong was alternating between organizing their room and texting someone with such rapid speed that he can get an idea on who it was. But when the younger suddenly heaved a sigh and dumped his phone a little too harsh on the bedside table, Johnny asked him what was wrong.

"Sicheng's not answering. I'm just worried." Taeyong said, hands running over his hair as he spared glances at the device. It was clear he was uncomfortable without it in his hand and he held it again. He's biting his lips, jolting when his phone vibrated but only hunched back when he saw it wasn't from who he thought it was.

"He's old enough to live on his own, mom. Let the kid live." Johnny joked as he grabbed his own phone, letting the screen reflect his flowers and the baby's breath peeking from under the abundance of bell flowers and he felt his smile slipping.

Taeyong looked over at him, eyes landing on the arrangement. "Oh, um. Are you okay?"

"Peachy. I'll be out."

That was how he found himself walking around the campus, the sun perfectly hiding under the large clouds that it dulled the heat coming from it. He felt odd with every step like he should be going somewhere, a certain direction that is pulling him like a magnet. The baby's breath is the only comfort he had despite the bell flowers because Sicheng might just be reminiscing about something. Still, it's something that made him concerned especially when Sicheng didn't answer Taeyong of all people.

He didn't know where his feet took him but his instincts isn't letting him think for a moment and suddenly he's in the extra rooms for the art department, the building almost empty of students save for those painting with their big canvases. Johnny went deeper inside, making a turn around a corner and he found a half-opened door with the lights on. There's music coming from inside that sounded like tinkling instruments and banging drums, peering into the space of the doorway and finding Sicheng midway to curling his fist into the air with his leg stretched behind him.

Johnny is frozen, admiring as Sicheng shifted to stand upright in a graceful stroke and he pointed one feet out before jumping to the air to execute a flip. The loud thump that echoed as Sicheng stepped back to his feet is enough to surprise Johnny back to his wits and he entered the room while closing the door behind him. From what he can see of the younger's back, the begonias and daffodils mocking him with how bright they were showcasing how he felt and his sneakers made a squeaking sound as he walked over to where Sicheng sat on the floor with his back to the wall.

The Chinese boy's eyes widened at the sight of Johnny but doesn't say anything, only taking his water bottle and chugging the contents while keeping his eyes away.

"Hey," Johnny started the moment he sat down next to him, taking the towel near him and wiping the sweat from the younger's brow "Taeyong was looking for you."

He wanted to punch himself in the gut for that when Sicheng looked uncomfortable, hands wringing the neck of his water bottle tight as Johnny noted that there is another flower joining around his head. He moved himself a little bit farther away from the younger out of courtesy, the need to be closer to him pushed down to the back of his mind. It was disgusting how much he felt like Sicheng was his even if he wanted to reject it, the sight of him defenseless sparking his natural need to take care of people. 

"I'm practicing." Sicheng finally replied, voice breathless after the movements he made that looked like a dance. "I didn't want to bother him."

A bitter laugh escaped Johnny's mouth without meaning to as he followed it with "You not talking to him is the biggest bother he'll ever find in all honesty."

A sheepish smile made another appearance on the younger's face, "Taeyong-hyung likes making my problems his problems."

"He's the mother you wished you never had."

Sicheng smiled but it doesn't reach his eyes as he took a small swig of his water before answering. "At the hospital, he even called my parents for me. It's nice that he did."

Johnny can't help himself as he had started to be curious. "How long have you been allergic?"

"Since I was born, you could say," Sicheng used the towel to wipe away the trail of sweat on the nape of his neck. "Never this worse because everyone was careful with me."

Johnny thought back to how fragile Sicheng looked with the oxygen mask fitted around his mouth and nose, immobile as the heart monitor made steady beats and the image sent a pang to his heart. "How does it happen?"

The younger hummed, thinking. "The problem isn't just the flowers themselves but also the pollen? Sometimes they stuck to the fibers of the petals that it doesn't help washing the flowers because there still be some particles left. It's hard to explain in words because whenever my flowers shift, they scatter pollen around and the petals make my nose itch."

"But how do they reach your nose?"

"When my soulmate makes abrupt mood swings, the flowers try to keep up. This is why those are here." he pointed to the pill box inside his bag. "Taeyong kept extras for me that range from how severe my attacks were. It's worse in spring but when I just get a little pollen from a petal, I don't need his assistance. Usually he seems to ask in hour intervals about what I'm feeling."

Johnny nodded, trying to wrap his head around the new information. "Huh. Taeyong really does baby you too much."

Sicheng's face brightened up, smile almost knocking Johnny out. "You're the first one to say that to my face. People like to call him overcompensating for what he lacks and a weird stalker most of the time so thank you."

Ten's annoying voice telling him about how Taeyong basically treated Sicheng like his soulmate came back in his head and he leaned a little close so Sicheng can hear. "Is it really bad to be seen as Taeyong's soulmate? He's nice, he's handsome and he treats you like he won't even the wind knock you down. What's not to like about him?" Johnny doesn't add that he felt like he just swallowed a whole lemon when he made that statement.

Sicheng doesn't noticed it and tilted his head. "It's just that I have a soulmate."

There's suddenly s a swarm of butterflies in the elder's stomach as he fought off the urge to grin because it brought him to what he wanted to discuss with Sicheng. He crossed his arms and leaned to the wall, question slipping out his mouth easily. "What do you think about soulmates?"

There is no hesitation in his voice when he replied to Johnny with a "They fit you in ways you never thought you'd fit." It was sweet, the sparkle in Sicheng's eye when he said that and Johnny hated how he's going to make it go away after he said what he thought about the destiny concept but the younger one continued talking. "Even if I hate the thought they have to put up with me when they find out my defect, I would want to meet them at least once. Learn something about them then ask them to slow down on the feelings."

"I don't believe in soulmates." Johnny cut him off without much thought and Sicheng hummed in response so he went on about how his parents weren't soulmates either and that he would prefer never living with someone who could be a jerk to him for the rest of his life. It's something that he wanted in a relationship, an easy footing for both parties without relying so much for the bond to keep them together until it snapped and they're left to pick up the pieces.

"You want to fall in love with them?"

Johnny couldn't help but look into Sicheng's inquiring eyes, dark orbs under pretty lashes that spoke too much by not letting everything be bared in front of him. "Yes."

 They would have stared longer but Sicheng's phone is ringing loudly between them. the owner answering it immediately and in an exasperated fond tone said Taeyong's name. Johnny is more of a good liar than he assumed as he only smiled at the boy who's packing up to meet Taeyong and offered him a small goodbye before he's out the door.

He hoped he disturbed Taeyong with the orange lilies his emotions made around Sicheng's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bellflower - Unwavering Love  
> baby's breath - Innocence, purity of heart  
> begonia - beware  
> daffodil - Regard; Unrequited Love; You're the Only One; The Sun is Always Shining When I'm with You  
> orange lilies - hatred


	7. Scattered

"You really think I should cut off with the caffeine when you're the one buying me coffee, Winwin." Taeyong's voice teased, his way of phrasing the sentence coming out as a sing-song against his ear where he had his phone pressed on.

Sicheng rolled his eyes, the coffee shop on campus just in sight as he turned to his right. "You didn't let me leave unless it was for this. It's been a month after the hospital but you make it only seem like yesterday."

"You know to me, every time your allergies attack you, it will always seem like yesterday."

Sicheng found Taeyong's concern understandable most of the times, their friendship built on the nature of it and nurtured with carefree banter and mutual understandings about their interests. He was there when Sicheng was crying because he missed being home with his family, being shushed with gentle strokes on his back and cooked a meal that hits close to the ones served by his mother. Taeyong was there to hold him when he was dizzy from the mixture of perfume and natural flowers as the crowd around them screamed when Ten danced on stage, letting Sicheng move his face near his neck because it was the safest place at the moment and the younger could smell the underlying scent of Febreeze that always clung to Taeyong.

But there is also the overbearing need to know where Sicheng is, if that place has flowers (then again usually they did) or that he has his pillbox quadruple-checked to the point it looked like Sicheng was going to the jungle with how much Taeyong is making him bring even if they're unnecessary. He can't be annoyed with the reason why but he is a little frustrated on how it's being handed to him.

"You're dramatic." Sicheng said and Taeyong laughed at him. "It's just coffee, the same thing running in your veins nowadays."

"Who put sour cream in your cereal?"

The bell above tinkled when Sicheng opened the door to the coffee shop, looking around as he tucked his hand back into the pocket of his denim jacket as he bid Taeyong goodbye. He lets the scent of grounded coffee beans and freshly baked bread waft into his nose, sighing as he approached the counter to order a large Americano and a hazelnut latte. The barista told him it might take longer and he gestured for Sicheng to find a seat so he can wait.

There's a sensation of being looked at crawling on his spine. He turned around and found Johnny whose eyes widened when their gazes met, lowering his head down and continued whatever he was doing. Sicheng can't believe he's seeing him again after their last meeting in the art building's free room a month ago. The elder always seemed to have a different schedule than him that never gave them the opportunity to sit together with their friends at the same time but because Sicheng and Johnny had somewhat met already, they seemed to include the latter more into the conversations. They might have always had but Sicheng was probably tuning out the unfamiliar name back then and he didn't want to say anything about their sudden meeting in fear of the questions that could arise.

His feet lead him to Johnny's table without much thought, peering down at the messily scribbled handwriting on loose sheets of paper that's scattered across the table top strategically away from the cup half-filled with coffee. The elder looked up to him with surprise but still smiled and said "Oh. Long time no see."

"Hello." Sicheng returned the smile as Johnny gestured to one of the chairs to make him sit down. When he's properly seated, he noticed the way the elder stared at him from the corner of his vision and there's a blush threatening to overcome his face at the sudden attention.

"You certainly look better now. More color in your cheeks." Johnny pointed out, not realizing Sicheng's thoughts and held his mug up. "Taeyong must be taking good care of you."

A weird prickly feeling crawled down his spine at the admission and he shook his head. "Not everything about me should relate to hyung. It sounds-" he struggled for the right word to explain it, not knowing why he is trying to explain it in the first place. Why is he defensive with Johnny who he only talked to twice about Taeyong and him? It didn't make any sense at all that he can dismiss it with everything else except this one person he barely knew anything about.

"Calm down, Winwin. It just meant that out of everyone, Taeyong is the one you should put in your emergency contact. If you didn't, it would be the surprise of the century." Johnny tipped his cup at him. "Now that'll break the internet. Number One Supporter Not Being Considered Number One."

Sicheng pouted, fully blushing in embarassment and irritation now and though he wanted to leave, he didn't want to be petty when the elder had a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. "Stop it. Taeyong-hyung is important to me but it's just too much for you to consider he'll go to great lengths to help me. That just sounds wrong."

Johnny sighed after taking a huge gulp of his coffee, head tilting at the word 'important' and raised a brow. He opened his mouth before closing it again as he gently put down his cup despite the sudden tension in his knuckles. "That sounds weird considering that time you were in the hospital he was at your side the whole night without sleeping." Sicheng can detect the underlying tones of something in his voice but it's not as important as what Johnny just said.

"You were in the hospital?" It was really surprising that no one brought it up, the influx of guests that were mostly his friends and classmates drowned the specifics of who went and who didn't. So in a sense, he's met Johnny three times now and he told him that.

The elder chuckled. "It must be some sort of coincidence."

Sicheng decided that the conversation is on comfortable grounds so he asked "What are you doing here?"

Johnny pointed at the papers with a grin "Writing lyrics mostly but the coffee here is nice. Their brews remind me of home a little."

"Home?"

"I lived in Chicago before I moved here with my dad. It's a long story you probably will hear from Ten or Taeyong if you ask them about it. At least, parts of what I told them that'll give you a general idea of my past."

"Why would I need to know your past?" Sicheng wondered more out of curiosity than anything else.

"We'll be seeing each other a lot more these days. New friends are meant to be learning about each other before we get comfortable."

It should sound creepy coming out of Johnny's mouth like he knew something Sicheng didn't but instead, there's a sommersault of butterflies in his stomach with how the former is looking straight at him with those eyes. It looked like his awkwardness was getting the best of him again.

"One Americano and one Hazelnut latte for Winwin!"

The call of his order broke the atmosphere between them, Sicheng saying a hurried "Until next time, hyung" as he rushed to get his drinks and realizing the spam of messages bombarding his phone from Taeyong who was between whining and scolding him for being so late.

Sicheng is out the door, unaware of the disappointed look on Johnny's face.


	8. Photosynthesis

Johnny smiled as Mr. Jung made "Bam, bam, bam!" noises everytime he jerked his limbs to execute the dance moves he was teaching. His bangs are plastered to his forehead as he threw his head back that made the striped carnations and daffodils bounce with his movement and he cart-wheeled for the finish, hands up in the air and breathing heavily with his signature smile.

The other students clapped at him, Johnny included as he is reminded of the flip Sicheng made when he found him on his own. The choreography is very unique but the simplicity is in how everything is just a process where forgetting one step may affect the flow in its own way. Mr. Jung knew how to make perfect dance steps but he never pressured his students to follow everything in just one go. It's their fifth week practicing and he can already see the progress his students are making.

The Charity Showcase was going to be a blast. With the midterms already done and the university wanting to organize something fun but useful, the board of directors decided to show the school's talented individuals in a Charity Showcase and selling tickets to give to an orphanage and a hospital to fund them. It was a good idea, something his friends immediately signed up for. Taeyong, Ten, Hansol, Yuta and Johnny decided to make a dance number while Jaehyun, Doyoung and Taeil chose to sing for the showcase instead. Johnny knew better than to ask about Sicheng, his insides still fluttery whenever he thought back to the last time they properly talked without other people. He liked the boy, different from how Taeyong treated him as if he were made of glass. If anything, Sicheng was a mosaic of broken glass: pretty when you look at it but made of sharp edges that can cut through skin. It didn't make him less interesting, soulmate's bias or not and Johnny often got back to his thoughts as to why he should keep it to himself when he saw the two of them by chance side to side without much space between them.

Even if Johnny was the soulmate, Taeyong is giving him a run for his money.

Johnny looked at his reflection in the mirror as he did what Mr. Jung did before, concentrated on the tiniest movement he made and he didn't anticipate Ten suddenly grabbing him from behind. He turned at the younger, eyebrows furrowed. "Shouldn't you be practicing?"

Ten's rolled his eyes at him. "Well, sorry for being human and wanting to rest for a while."

There's a sudden change in the hip hop beat they were listening to, the soft melody of the violin echoing in the room before it progressed into a roar of the trumpets that made Johnny look over the speaker where he found one of the students, someone he recalled shared Mr. Jung's first name but using some alias who grabbed a tall guy with plump lips and started to waltz.

At the sudden development, people started to latch onto their friends with the intention of making the most ridiculous ballroom dancing they can think of. Jaehyun and Doyoung made over-dramatic dips that nearly resulted in them being knocked over when Yuta nearly swung Taeyong to their direction as he twirled the elder. The room was in chaos, even Mr. Jung who whipped out his phone to film it with the intention of sending it to Professor Min and asking him to come and swing with him.

Ten, never wanting to miss out, pulled Johnny closer with a hand on his shoulder and another to his waist before they made one-two steps that consisted the start of the dance. Johnny raised a brow as Ten let go of one hand and twirled into Johnny's space but he immediately shoved the younger towards Yuta and Hansol who just switched partners. Their sweet staring into each other's eyes is cut off when Ten collided with them.

"Yah!" Yuta yelled, shoving Ten back as Hansol smiled at his soulmate's angry face. Ten is thankful that the elder twirled the angry Japanese boy to save him.

The Thai boy held Johnny's hand again, his eyes spelling revenge and the latter is twirled as well except Ten let go at the last minute, throwing him into someone's arms.

The person yelped at the sudden invasion of his privacy, instinctively wrapping their arms around Johnny's neck as the other placed his hands on the person's waist to stabilize their footing. An apology is at the tip of his tongue but he looked at who he was holding-

"Winwin!"

His throat is suddenly tight when he heard Taeyong yell over the chaos but it's drowned by the noise and Johnny's heartbeat because Sicheng looked like a deer caught in headlights, eyes shaking as he took in how close they were. It's a bad time to find that Sicheng's hair is sporting peonies and sunflowers that replaced the white poppies in a rapid succession, hoping his crown didn't make it seem too obvious in how it changed in tune with the younger's.

"Make way please!" The instigator who Johnny wanted to yank at their blue-white ombre hair yelled as the tall guy he danced with is pulled by the wrists maneuvering through them. This made Sicheng take a step back but accidentally dragging Johnny with him because their arms seemed to be glued on each other at the moment.

"I'm so sorry-" Sicheng said as he avoided looking anywhere but the space between them and avoiding the flowers that aren't his too close for comfort.

The music is shifting as soft piano keys are added into the violins and flute notes that Johnny couldn't help it.

They fit too well, his hands now finding purchase in the proper form of the waltz without thinking: one hand on the waist and the other holding Sicheng's own. He swayed a little to the rhythm before both of them moved in tune to the steps, careful not to step on each other's toes and finding that they're actually dancing in circles now. Johnny didn't think about how they must look, didn't want to worry about what Taeyong might rationalize and he twirled Sicheng to cross his arms, tucking him into his chest to keep the flowers away from his face. He can smell strawberries on his hair and the natural sweetness of the camellias that he wished he didn't understand. It's too soft and sweet for him and Johnny could see that people are starting to stare at them.

He made an abrupt twist, jolting Sicheng upright and at the drop of the tempo switched his partners. He grabbed whoever is near and by coincidence, it's Hansol who's confused while Sicheng fell into Taeyong's arms like some cliche chick flick moment where Sicheng's face is buried into the side of Taeyong's hair. Both of them burst into laughter, the elder of the two swaying their arms together to the beat and it took Hansol's hand slapping his arm to make him let go that shocked him out of his staring.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked as Johnny winced into a smile when he saw the camellias turning to tufts of lavender and Taeyong brushed a stray strand off of Sicheng's forehead.

"I'm fine."

 

Taeyong's greeting to him after he  came back to their shared room from sending Sicheng home is "You and Winwin looked friendly."

He stopped his pen from writing down the lyrics that suddenly came to him, turning to the other who just stared at him with this eerie calmness he didn't like at all. It's not a topic he wanted to indulge when he still can smell the lingering strawberry scent on his skin, Taeyong whose flickering gaze went from Johnny's head and his eyes. "We run into each other..." he replied  and chuckled at the events before. "Literally running into each other as it seemed."

"What do you think of him?"

Johnny's eyebrow rose with how this looked like an interrogation about to happen, finishing the verse on his music sheet with a slow drag and writing camellia under the bars. "You baby him too much. He's what, nineteen? The boy needed his own freedom, Tae. Give him space."

Taeyong bit his lip and he shuffled to his bed, sitting at the edge of it with his shoulders on his bent knees. "Why are you dissing me when it doesn't even fit with the question?"

"That's the point. If you think about it, when people hear about Winwin your name is always attached to his. Lee Taeyong without a soulmate, Lee Taeyong who's the only one who can help Dong  Sicheng who's allergic to something he'll live with until either him or his soulmate dies." Johnny caught his breath before continuing. "You always said you'd make up for the bad things you've done before, taking care of people rather than hurting them. Winwin is someone that reminds you of-"

"Stop." Taeyong snapped, hands curled into tight fists as he looked up at Johnny with regret that mirrored the one the other felt for bringing the past up over this.

There was no reason to be petty and he felt like an idiot for it.

"Why are you so worked up?" Taeyong chuckled, his voice cracking from how he's holding himself back. "I just wanted to ask what you thought of him. It's not like I'm making you compete for his soulmate against me."

The matter is dismissed but Johnny is disturbed with how Taeyong sounded serious when he said the last sentence, eyes narrowed as if he's trying hard to piece together something he knew was there. It didn't help that his eyes flickered for a second when the word soulmate was brought out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> striped carnations - No; Refusal; Sorry I Can't Be with You: Wish l Could Be with You  
> daffodils - Regard; Unrequited Love; You're the Only One; The Sun is Always Shining When I'm with You  
> peonies - Shame, bashfulness  
> sunflower - Pure and lofty thoughts  
> white poppies - Consolation  
> camellias - Admiration; Perfection; Good Luck, Gift to a Man  
> lavender - Devotion, distrust


	9. Dispersion

Sicheng doesn't know why but he's thinking about Johnny.

It was so weird to acknowledge that, the invasion of unwanted thoughts as to how he is, what he's doing and if they'll ever get the chance to talk again dragged through him throughout the days that passed. Taeyong seemed to be too busy to hang out with him now, still reminding him about his medicine or how he can call him when he felt like he's ill. Usually, the elder sent him three messages per two hours just for precaution yet all he got these days was one long message and he can't reach Taeyong's phone until it's evening.

Because of this, Yuta walked with him to class and asked if they were fighting. "This is weird to everyone. It's something we don't see!" he yelled with panic "One moment he was tripping over for you and now he can't spare you more than a glance before he leaves."

"Maybe he really has other priorities," Sicheng answered without much thought "Not everything is about me and my allergies. I survived fine on my own for years and he supports me but hyung, that's how he is. He needs his space too."

Yuta glared at him with his mouth set on a scowl that didn't suit him. "Don't think we didn't see you and Johnny romancing it up last time."

"Ten pushed him onto me. It was rude of him. And what romancing? You're delusional."

Yuta's scowl deepened that his lips were stretching down his chin, "And why couldn't you have just pushed Johnny away when you clearly had every choice to? If there is anyone who's delusional right now, it's you for thinking no one saw that intense eye contact you had."

Sicheng's eyes narrowed, feeling humiliated at the accusation. "What does that even have to do with Taeyong-hyung's moods now? Why am I always the one you think that sets his mood? He has Ten-hyung, Mark, Jaehyun and even you to keep him company. Why is it always me?"

There are two fingers tapping at his forehead, Yuta's face full of concern now at the way Sicheng was acting "Just-" he sighed and ruffled Sicheng's hair, "Just please make Taeyong go back to the grandpa we know and love. I won't make jokes of him being friend zoned ever again."

"Please go back to Hansol-hyung. You're creeping me out."

So here he was now, reminded of the feeling of holding Johnny by accident due to an ill-timed twirl by the one and only Ten. He only came to visit Taeyong because he needed help finding a new pair of shoes and the moment he entered the loud room, someone bumped into him. It led to him blanking out, unsure where to look and his nose itching the smell of flowers too close to him. He was only grounded with an overcoming sense of trust as the stranger danced with him, only to realize it was Johnny. The steps were off and he's pretty sure he almost stepped on his toes for a moment before he is shoved into Taeyong whose familiar warmth grounded him immediately, the tight coil of an emotion he can't comprehend buried under the calmness Taeyong always brought him. Yet when he came home, on his bed shifting his body because he couldn't sleep, he realized that the feeling was belonging.

He asked Jaehyun about it, the fellow 97-liner always understood the inner worries Sicheng has differently from Taeyong. Jaehyun opted to give him advice without really meaning to and he spoke like a teacher would to a kindergartner. But there is still surprise on his face when Sicheng blurted out a "What does it mean when you think of someone a lot?"

He looked up from where he was cooking, knife halfway into the ribs he was marinating. "What kind of question is that?"

"You think of someone but you don't mean to? As if this one thing shouldn't be important but it is because of how someone reminds you of it?"

Jaehyun wiped the sweat on his forehead off with a wet hand, a kimchi paste-covered finger accidentally touching the coreopsis on his hair that left a red stain on the yellow petals. "Well, it's looks like you noticed someone," he used a napkin to rub at the flowers to get rid of the spot of red before looking at Sicheng again "What else do you feel when this someone comes to mind?"

Sicheng pondered, images of their talks always leaving him content so there's that despite the air of awkwardness that often surrounded them. He didn't know what else to say but he recalled how his heart tried to jump out of his chest when he was tucked in Johnny's arms. "Different, I guess. Almost like home but also not at all. Being pulled without meaning to, comforting but also thrilling enough it leaves you wondering."

Jaehyun stopped as he reached out for the pepper, eyebrows raising and his mouth parting. "That's the universal definition of soulmates, Sicheng." he sighed deeply "Or liking someone."

"Do you feel the same way with Doyoung-hyung or was it more of a magnetic pull?"

At the mention of his soulmate, Jaehyun turned sheepish dumping the curry into the boiling pot. "I had to like Doyoung before I accepted he was mine. It's a double-edged process you can say: you can love your soulmate and if you don't, you'll still feel a magnetic pull towards them. It's intense when they're your soulmate and you love him at the same time. But Winwin," he took the other's hand softly, "Your soulmate-"

"I ,for the lack of better term, lost them." Sicheng said, pulling his hand away. There was nothing to it, just that he was in the hospital bed recovering and his soulmate had visited him without leaving anything. It was only five weeks later after that he was brave enough to ask Taeyong if the doctors gave him medicine to dry out the flowers and he found out that they withered on their own. It was a big revelation that made him sit down and think about how the ironic it was.

Jaehyun patted his back with his wrist, mindful of the paste on his hands."Winwin, there's only two ways to lose a soulmate and one way to know if they did." His eyes wandered to the flowers, smile bright as he saw the blooming yellow of the wormwood around his head.

Back to the present, Sicheng sat down on the edge of his bed looking at his reflection.

He tilted his head at the azaleas and daffodils decorating his hair, wondering about where his soulmate is and how he must be quite in love with someone right now. Is that the reason why he left him at the hospital? Sicheng could believe that but if his soulmate did visit, Taeyong would probably pull them near just to get the flowers off of him. The only other reason could be they didn't know it was him either.

"What to do?" he asked himself as he started to pick up the clothes on the floor, grimacing at the shirt that didn't look like his. He raised it to his nose, only catching the yellow dots on the fabric when he had inhaled it before he sneezed hard that his face once again pressed on the shirt.

"Ack!" he yelped as he dropped the shirt, sinuses already protesting as he sneezed continously. He rushed to grab his phone off the bedside but it slipped and fell to the ground, a resounding crack echoing through the air. His eyes are already watering, gasping at the constricting feeling in his chest with every sneeze.

There's a sudden knocking on the front door at the worse time. Sicheng didn't know if he could rush over without tumbling down with how his wheezing is making it hard to sit upright. If it was Kun then it was good but why would Kun knock on their door when he has a key? Whoever it is, he prayed they'd realize that Sicheng is having an attack right now and he's indisposed.

His face is starting to hurt, alredy feeling the soreness of his throat as he fell to the floor and curling in on himself to find a semblance of comfort as the knocks turned frantic. Sicheng sneezed, snot running out of his nose now and he distinctly heard the door unlocking before someone shouted for him.

"Winwin!"

A hacked out gasp is all he answered with and the door to his room is opened before someone rushed to his side. He felt hands on his arms pulling him upright into the crook of their elbow and wiping his face.

"Damn it, breathe. No, I mean-Just try to hold on! Where's your medicine or do you need your inhaler-"

Sicheng pointed to his bag with a shaky finger as someone held him up and deposited him onto the bed, walking over where the bag was and opening it to find whatever Sicheng needed. There was a plastic medicine container in there, the sound of it being opened and then there's someone next to him again.

"How does this work? Do you need water for this?"

Sicheng shook his head and the pill is being placed in his mouth, the chalky texture ignored as he swallowed it. He sneezed again, a warm cloth now on his forehead while a dry towel rubbed away the snot and tears off his face.

Johnny's face came to view and without any warning, he blindly grabbed his wrist. The elder didn't flinch, eyes looking at his face. There's a short silence only punctuated by Sicheng heavy breathing before Johnny spoke. "I'm going to give you some water to relieve your throat so hang in there. I'll be right back."

He brushed the hand off and left, Sicheng's chest now heaving as he felt the air being knocked out of his lungs. He clenched his hand as a particularly hard sneeze jolted him upright and tears ran down his cheeks. A thump from the kitchen and quick footsteps could be heard before Johnny is by his side again, a glass of water in his hand as he used the other to rub circles on Sicheng's back and settled his head back on the pillow.

"Raise your head a bit," he said, hand on Sicheng's nape to guide him and placing the rim of the glass on his lips. He watched the younger drank small sips occasionally coughing that he spilled some on Johnny's hand.

"So-" he coughed "Sorry."

Johnny chuckled, running his hand through Sicheng's sweaty bangs and placing the cup on the bedside after he was done. "Ah, I don't know what to do now. Does your chest hurt or maybe you can eat soup? Or is that for fevers?" he said as Sicheng looked at him through his blurry vision, spots of orange and violet around Johnny's head.

"It's okay..." Sicheng slurred as the medicine is starting to make him sleepy, eyes drooping. "Mmph, just need to sleep it off now."

His hand once again found Johnny's wrist, fingers wrapping around it and he's too tired to fight the instinct off. He did this with Taeyong but it was the other who kept a hand around his wrist to check if his pulse was normal. Perhaps it's the result of the medicine or post-allergy attack hallucination but as he fell asleep, there's a pressure between his fingers as they slotted between Johnny's own.

 

Johnny sighed as he looked over Sicheng's peaceful form tucked under the blankets with his cheek on the palm that wasn't holding his, heart going miles per minute at their intertwined hands not knowing if he wanted to call Taeyong so he can look after him properly or staying here. Besides, he didn't want Taeyong of all people to see this and he cursed himself for not calling him earlier with his expertise over this. The sight of Sicheng struggling on the ground made him sick and his brain went into auto-pilot to comfort the younger.

He brushed Sicheng's knuckles with his other hand to warm it up, raising it to his lips to blow on it. "I wonder if you feel it too." he mused when Sicheng curled closer to his side of the bed, chin tucked into his neck that Johnny can see the tips of his eyelashes touching his swollen cheeks. It was pitiful to look at Sicheng with the purple discoloration around his eyes but he knew better than to disturb his sleep now that he's comfortable.

"If I told you, kid, would you believe me?" There's only a hum in response to which made him smile. Sicheng was really adorable.

In a strange deja vu, his phone started ringing. He fished it out of his pocket to find that Kun was calling him and he swiped the answer button. "Hello, Kun?"

"Kun is asking where you are already. He needs those notes." Johnny flinched at the unexpected sound of Taeyong's voice, eyebrows furrowed because he didn't know Kun and Taeyong bumped into each other when he left to get the former's notebook for Organic Chemistry. He didn't want to talk to him right now because the next thing he knew, Taeyong asked "Is Winwin there? His phone can't be reached."

He tightened his hold on Sicheng's hand at that. "I-" he started, unsure at what to say or do that would garner Taeyong's attention less because on one hand he can tell him that Sicheng had an attack and that he's alright now or he can pretend he's on his way to meet them. The first one meant Taeyong rushing to the dorm with every intent to take care of the boy while the other meant Johnny would leave Sicheng when he's at his most vulnerable and neither options sounded good to him at all. What can he do to make this easier? Should he just tell Taeyong the truth when it was still early and the hurt could be lessened? Should he leave Sicheng to Taeyong instead because he's the one who's been with Sicheng through it all before Johnny even came to the picture? He looked at the person in question, silence from the other side of the call as he felt his heartstrings pulled at their intertwined hands that sent warmth to his very being. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing, nothing wrong with how he wanted to be the one supporting Sicheng this time around. He'll learn how to take care of him, be there when he's feeling down and banter with him over the littlest of things, tease him perhaps when their flowers shift at the same time. He wanted to do be by his side holding him close so he can admire how much he is a masterpiece and other cheesy things he never knew he could think about. So why did it feel like he's the one who's pushing himself between soulmates?

"You still there, Johnny? Is Winwin there or not?" Taeyong's voice brought him back to their conversation, closing his eyes and breathed out a long sigh to calm himself.  Taeyong needed to understand that it was time to let the bird fly out of its nest.

"He's here."

A few moments of awkward silence before Taeyong replied "Is he in his room? Can you pass the phone to him?"

Sicheng chose this moment to turn on the bed, dragging Johnny by their linked hands that sent the elder stumbling onto the bed beside him as the phone slipped out out his hands and fell right beside Sicheng's face as he coughed. Johnny-though he didn't want to really-let go of him in favor of going back up and picking up the phone to see if Taeyong is still on the line.

"Did he have an attack?" he said, clipped tone something Johnny expected and he sighed out his yes before Taeyong started to talk again, voice going higher by every word in his anger and panic "Seo Youngho, if you're in a hospital because you didn't have the decency to call me when he's sick-" 

Johnny felt offended. "I gave him medicine, Taeyong. He's not in the hospital, for crying out loud so stop reacting like it's a big deal that I handled it myself instead of bothering you. Not everything has to be just you and Winwin so calm the hell down," he didn't want to be the petty one, his heart rushing from the anger as he added "I'm watching over him in his room until Kun finishes his classes."

He ended the call feeling frustrated at the world and Taeyong, burying his face onto his opened palms and screaming into them to muffle the noise. There was only one way for this whole ordeal to end: one of them is picked over the other and either way, someone is going to get hurt.

It was so tiring that he wanted to sleep and the space next to Sicheng looked comfortable to him so without much thought he crawled under the covers with his back to the younger. 

Kun came home to Johnny asleep Sicheng's bed, the younger's head cushioned on his chest due to both of them moving too much in their sleep. He was frozen on the doorway not knowing what to do because this was such a strange sight to him, Johnny and Sicheng of all people being in a position that would make sense if it was Taeyong instead. Kun sucked a breath as he thanked whatever god out there that he didn't let the latter come with him because Taeyong looked so upset that Johnny did what he almost thought as his job and a fight might break out if they faced each other.

Kun understood now why Johnny acted like that and maybe Taeyong was suspicious of it too. If it wasn't how Sicheng curved his body close to Johnny's or the elder's lips pressed on Sicheng's hair, then the matching asters and baby's breaths decorating their heads couldn't lie for them.

"Johnny-hyung, wake up." Kun murmurred as he got over the initial shock and nudged at his shoulder. Sicheng stirred instead, eyebrows furrowed as he moved to the other side letting Johnny go in time for the elder to open his eyes.

He sat up, rubbing the sleepiness off his eyes with his palms before he saw Kun. "Oh, good. You're back. Is it already late?" Kun checked the clock hanging over Sicheng's bed, reciting the time and Johnny yawned "Winwin hasn't eaten before he slept. Is Taeyong also here? He can be useful and make congee."

Kun rolled his eyes. "He sent some congee for me to give to Winwin so it's alright. He was angry at you after you hung up on him so fast it was like you were burned." he said in a sarcastic tone and Johnny caught on quick.

"You never questioned how he's putting his leg out too much for Winwin that the only thing missing is him giving away an organ for a transplant..." the elder got out of the covers and pulled them up to Sicheng's chin to keep him warm "Let's face it. He's inlove."

"Do you only care now to realize that though?"

Johnny looked up and his eyes met Kun's who were filled with remorse as he walked away from Sicheng to fetch the bag he left on the sofa "It's wishful thinking."

"Taeyong and Sicheng would have fallen in love with each other without anyone batting an eye. Sicheng said once that if there was a safe option, it would be Taeyong. A safety blanket to keep him warm and protect him against the world."

"What of the soulmate then?"

Kun waited for Johnny to turn around, deadpanning at him with his eyes looking straight into the elder's to keep his full attention that he knew he had when Sicheng was concerned and said "The soulmate is the self-destruct button that's going to leave explosions in its wake, good and bad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coreopsis - Always cheerful  
> wormwood- Absence, bitter sorrow  
> azaleas - Take Care of Yourself for Me; Temperance; Fragile Passion; Chinese Symbol of Womanhood  
> asters - Symbol of love, daintiness, talisman of love, trusting  
> baby's breath - Innocence, purity of heart


	10. Severed

Sicheng noticed the drastic changes between him and Taeyong after the incident with Johnny.

He was more clingy with him the following week, an arm around his shoulder or a hand on his waist when they were anywhere near each other yet when Sicheng expected that he'd make a fuss when he sneezed at the air around the flower-filled courtyard, he simply gave a handkerchief and acted nothing like he did before that he dropped it out of shock.

Wasn't this what he wanted? Taeyong no longer looking some overprotective mother who has trust issues with how Sicheng handled himself and they can hang out more like friends than some parental one-sided codependent pair? Sicheng pondered what happened in such a short amount of time to change what their friendship was filled with for months and needless to say, he didn't like it. It's not because he was ungrateful that Taeyong finally saw he was a fully-functional adult who survived with or without his help but it made him guilty for not appreciating what he's been doing for him. There is still a need for Taeyong to take care of him beyond the necessary and it showed too much in the slight hesitance he made when they took a subway to go downtown and it was packed with people, no space for Sicheng to get a breather away from their flowers. Back then, Taeyong grabbed his wrist to get off but the doors already slid shut as everyone wiggled for a place to stay as the vehicle moved so he guided Sicheng to lean on the wall as the elder instructed him to keep his head down to avoid anything that might trigger his allergies, incidentally how Sicheng found his nose buried on the elder's hair that smelled like the lemon shampoo he gave him. It showed with how he still kept medicine stocked that ranged from the generic ones for colds, headaches, fevers and body pains to his prescribed medication that fit with his diagnosis.

Sicheng began to notice the fond look in Taeyong's eyes whenever they were together and his heart was torn between beating against his rib cage and plummeting to the pits of his stomach.

 

Yuta cornered him without warning that morning, a glint in his eyes Sicheng doesn't understand and his hair is ruffled against his flower crown that suggested he didn't have time to comb his hair before he came here. The Japanese boy pointed an accusing finger at him, eyebrows knitting at some thought in his head as he declared "You know."

 "Excuse me but if it's the English homework, I don't."

"No, you moron," he scolded as he dragged him somewhere that had less people eavesdropping on them and jumping to conclusions because Hansol might go and tell Taeyong or worse, fetch Johnny to ask him about it and putting those two together is not part of Yuta's bucket list for the day. He loves Hansol but he doesn't know what is going on right now like the rest of their busy friends or at least, the oblivious ones. When they were in a safe place which was the cafeteria where the lunch lady was loading the food onto the trays, Yuta turned back to Sicheng "You realized."

Sicheng grimaced, still confused. "That you and Hansol-hyung are planning on visiting his parents in Busan this break?"

"I told you that last week over the phone but stop sidetracking this conversation and open your eyes."

"That you like eating rice?" Sicheng couldn't help but tease as Yuta flicked at his forehead with his thumb and middle finger that made the younger yelp and rub the spot "Yuta-hyung, tell me again what I'm supposed to have realized?"

"Taeyong's feelings."

Now that made Sicheng flinch visibly, Yuta sighing when he saw that and crossed his arms as he waited for the Chinese boy's answer. When he didn't get any, he evaluated the expression on Sicheng's face: wide eyes that flickered around at random avoiding his, mouth closing and opening as he seemed to struggle at what he should say and his eyebrows were raised high he was afraid they might detach from his face. All of that coupled with the tense line of his shoulders and nervous hands wringing his fingers together, Sicheng looked like he was caught with something he shouldn't.

"I sometimes joked about you disregarding what he felt for you  but Sicheng-" Yuta shook his head, "Why am I afraid that it's real now?"

"That's not true!" Sicheng finally said, flustered as he moved his grip on the bottom of his sweater to ease himself.

Yuta looked unconvinced and his eyes wandered to the other's hair before he looked back into his eyes "Or is it that you're only noticing it now because your soulmate is near you, is that it? You can't pick if it's the person who fits you because they love you or the person who fits you because they're made for you?"

Sicheng shoved him by the shoulder, suddenly angry at the accusation being thrown at his face and how Yuta can always read him like a book that he can't argue with what he's saying, only wishing he didn't make it sound like that.

Yuta huffed, shaking his head again and turned around to leave for his class but not without giving Sicheng the final warning of "Don't mess things up because you won't open your eyes and accept that someone is going to lose in this whole charade."

Those words clung on Sicheng the whole day. He sat in class thinking about what it meant, tapping his pencil on his paper to think everything through. To think about what he should do to untangle the mess of feelings he had for this entire situation, if it was right to assume he should be with Taeyong or whether his instincts would lead him back to Johnny again. His head was full of rationalized guesses if he ever chose to stick with the uncomplicated present situation of not addressing the problem but it was, for the lack of better term, misleading Taeyong and possibly hurting himself over his feelings for Johnny.

Taeyong thought this was the best time to hang out now and he obliged, not wanting to avoid him despite having some internal crisis about him. He smiled at him when Sicheng went out of the classroom, hair windswept and clothes ruffled that he almost thought Taeyong ran all the way here from his last class.

"Hey." Taeyong greeted and Sicheng raised his hand in greeting before his bag was taken off his shoulder by the strap.

"What are you doing?" he asked as Taeyong carried his bag with one hand and they started to walk.

There's no answer as they made their way to the coffee shop they always frequented, the very same one Sicheng once met Johnny in and when the bell signaled their arrival as they opened the door, he remembered the conversation he had about Taeyong himself in these four walls. Was it a bad time to be thinking of Johnny when he's with Taeyong or is it odd that what Johnny said about him sounded less nonsensical now?

"An Americano or would you like Caramel Macchiato this time?" Taeyong called out as Sicheng chose a seat beside the window, answering for the second before he settled into the cushions of the chair and checking his phone.

There's two messages from Kun with the usual questions about class and there's Yuta's message about having ice cream after lunch while adding that he better be thinking it over. Taeyong returned to his side, pulling out his laptop and coughing into his hand before rubbing his throat.

Sicheng perked up at the sound and turned to him "Taeyong-hyung, do you need medicine?" before both of them looked into each other's eyes to realize.

They burst out laughing, Sicheng still opening his backpack to retrieve his little pillbox and placing a white round pill onto Taeyong's hand. "I don't want you sneezing and coughing too, hyung. One sick person  is enough."

"I'd rather have that person be me, you know." he answered, throwing his head back to dry swallow the medicine. Sicheng hit his arm without putting much strength into it, mouth grimacing at the way Taeyong was so carefree about it.

"You should know better than ask for whatever this mutation inside me that makes it impossible for me to live freely," Sicheng said to him as Taeyong began typing "I hate you all walking on eggshells around me like I'm too fragile for you to handle properly."

A hum is all he got as response and Sicheng looked at his profile for a while, noticing the dirt on the end of the elder's hair that touched his eyebrows. Without warning he leaned over, the pads of his fingers brushing over the skin there that Taeyong looked at him with wide eyes full of surprise. He doesn't notice it as he held the strand with his thumb and forefinger to rub the dirt away with gentle strokes before he saw the way the elder's eyes were now looking at his lips. Their gazes met and that is when Sicheng noticed the soft yearning reflected in Taeyong's eyes, hiding in the usual casual fondness he gave off that the Chinese boy almost hit his elbow on the table with how fast he retracted his hand.

"You should wash your hair again. I think that was dandruff." he joked hoping to ease the tension he made between them and realized perhaps this was the reason Yuta wasn't keeping his opinions to himself. Taeyong's offhanded smile as he patted Sicheng's hair meant he too knew what he was thinking.

"That's nasty, Winwin. I think you need some coffee."

They left it at that, unanswered questions hidden in small looks they shared when they didn't know what to say. For Sicheng, it was the fear of losing one of the people he cared about because no matter how much he reasoned his heart was elsewhere. For Taeyong, it was the idea that he knew Sicheng so well he can almost read his mind.

"Espresso and Caramel Macchiato for Taeyong!" the loud call of the barista made Taeyong stand up to retrieve their orders and Sicheng could even tell from his back that the elder was a little upset.

Sicheng didn't feel well as the sweetness of the caramel and coffee filled his mouth when his chest constricted at the sudden onslaught of pollen from someone who passed by the fan that turned to his direction at the exact moment. He took a pill from his little plastic box, drowning it down with his machiatto and choking on it with how fast he drank.

Taeyong patted his back as he coughed "Seriously, what am I going to do with you?"

Sicheng rolled his eyes at him as he settled back to his chair and pushed Taeyong's hand off. "Go back to your work, hyung. You have a lot of catching up to do. Honestly, I'm waiting for the day you get fed up with me."

"Shut up." was the only warning he got as Taeyong typed on the keys of his laptop with too much force.

Sicheng noticed the tense line of his shoulders as he clacked away, thick brows furrowed that his eyes looked even angrier than they usually did. He resorted to placing his head on the elder's shoulder and drank his caramel machiatto without making a sound as he watched the elder encode whatever he was making. The moment his head hit Taeyong's shoulder, the owner stiffened. Still, he didn't push him away and continued his work while Sicheng felt his eyes growing heavy with his late nights finally creeping up on him. He always had a problem sleeping that he'd be up at three AM just staring at the ceiling, the pain in his head thrumming with the beat of his heart.

The silence is still comforting but the tension between them is obvious enough that anyone who's looking at them through the window can see the stolen glances sent from the one on his laptop to the taller one leaning on his shoulder.

Sicheng fell asleep right in the moment his flower crown shifted and Taeyong covered his mouth and nose for good measure while the door of the coffee shop was opened harshly that the bell made a whacking sound with the force. There is a few murmurs at the loudness but Taeyong is well-aware of the person who arrived as he kept his eyes at the orange lilies and yellow roses around Sicheng's head. He didn't want to believe it was significant yet he knew if he ignored it longer it would blow over proportions and raised his gaze at Johnny who looked livid in contrast to the chrysanthemum and  purple heather he sported. Taeyong didn't move until Johnny breathed out a "Fancy seeing you here."

He sounded strained like he ran all the way over and he collapsed into the chair that made it squeak against the floor. Taeyong raised a finger to his lips gesturing with a tilt at the sleeping Sicheng, mindful of the tight-lipped smile he got in return. "You don't have class right now?"

"No. Teacher rescheduled the class after we waited thirty minutes for him and I saw you guys on my way there so I thought I'd say hello. I hope I'm not intruding on anything." Johnny kept his gaze on Taeyong as he said the last part, challenge in his eyes for the other to protest and waiting for the response.

Perhaps it was bravado or the heaviness of Johnny's accusatory look on him but Taeyong gently moved his laptop to the side to properly face him, eyes narrowed and his fingers clenching around each other. "What do you want from him?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Is this some joke to you? I know for a fact your class isn't at this side of the campus and that you'd barge in here just because you want to say hi. If anything, you'd go and bother Ten or even the others because they have more versatile schedules. You could go and teach Mark the discography of whatever genre he has as homework when his finals are near." Johnny didn't blink at any of those so Taeyong continued "There are a lot more things you can do, Johnny and we room together so I don't think I'm really who you're here for."

At that, Johnny looked at Sicheng and Taeyong's stomach suddenly dropped at the silent confirmation. There is a sudden change in the air between them, a tension that showed when Johnny squared his shoulders ready for the fight that he thought would come and Taeyong's jaw clenching for the words he's about to spit out.

Taeyong is the one who spoke first, words bitten back in his annoyance. "So this **is** about Winwin."

Johnny scoffed, "To you, it's almost like it's **always** about him."

"It's not like that. It was never just about him. I take care of everyone and you know it."

"Of course, I know. You took extra care when Mark fell off his hover board and brought him food to cheer him up. You held Ten's hand when he was afraid of the unfamiliar atmosphere of the mall and you cried when we won our first dance showcase because all the nonstop training and fussing finally paid off," Johnny mused, memories of those moments precious to him because that just was how Taeyong was, motherly and caring to a fault that he acted tough to stop people taking care of him instead "You helped me when I was having a problem with being accepted into the company I sent an application form for and always told me I would be deserving of it. Taeyong, I get it. But think about it more and you know what I also understand?"

He looked at the two across him again, the gentle press of Taeyong's hand against Sicheng's face as the flower crown became a soft arrangement of white roses, rosemary and snowdrops and he could tell that the fondness in the other's eyes as he smiled sadly at the change was realization that he didn't need.

"You're in love with him." Johnny finished, unsure what to feel. Happy that despite everything the universe threw against Taeyong for agendas he wasn't aware of, he wasn't broken down to think he can't be as happy as those with soulmates or irritated at the unseen force that's controlling their lives for letting that happiness be linked to Sicheng? Taeyong who's known Sicheng longer, took care of him with every bit of his heart and along the road of life-death situations and close calls, it would have been easy for them to fall for each other. It was an odd situation that Johnny knowing Taeyong longer but never meeting Sicheng, their gravitation to each other was natural to happen sooner or later.

"I didn't think it was you who would be his soulmate," Taeyong didn't hesitate as he answered, eyes never breaking Johnny's gaze "It was impossible to happen because you two never fit together if anyone thought about it. I always thought you and Ten breaking up was a mistake because I always believed it was you two who were soulmates."

Johnny grimaced. "I don't-"

"You know what I'm worried about? You always said you never believed in the theory of soulmates. It was too cliche, predictable and a naivety to hope for something you might waste your life searching. So why should I think you won't hurt him?"

Johnny understood where he was going. His past admissions about his distaste fresh in his mind as he intertwined his fingers together and placing them under his chin. "You know you really think that I would change my ways because I felt it for myself?"

Johnny stood up, knocking his chair over that it clattered to the ground and catching the attention of the onlookers.  He chuckled in a crooked manner, puffing out the words before it became full-blown laughter and he said with so much condescension that Taeyong became speechless.

"Do you really think just because soulmates are made I'm entitled to be with mine because of some bullshit magnetic pull? I can fall in love with anyone and it'll give me the same feeling as that. And really, aren't you happy I think that way, Yong? Because you can have him! You can have him because I don't want him-"

"What did you say?" Both Taeyong and Johnny jerked their head to Sicheng, wide awake and looking between them with a sleepy disbelief at what was going on. They both didn't notice that their voices had disturbed him, too busy with their argument to actually take in their surroundings and the manager of the coffee shop, a small and pale man who looked at them disapprovingly came to their table. Johnny immediately recognized Joonmyun, the senior he was friends with before the elder graduated and he bowed his head.

"If you aren't going to settle whatever this is, please leave. I didn't expect this from any of you. Especially you, Johnny."

Johnny picked up the fallen chair, sliding it back under the table. "I was just leaving. I'm not needed here when these two lovebirds can handle themselves just fine." he spat out, eyes glued to Sicheng before he spun around and left the shop. There is a huff from Joonmyun, sending a last warning at the two before he returned to his office and Taeyong rubbed his palm over his face.

"Sorry about him-" Sicheng grabbed his wrist, head down and the elder realized how much his shoulders were shaking with every heavy breath he released, panic suddenly settling into him as he lifted Sicheng's chin to find he was breathing through his mouth "Winwin? Winwin, what's wrong?!"

Taeyong stood up and put an around his back as Sicheng dry-coughed that sounded painful to his ears. The boy managed a shallow "Ca-Can't...breathe..." before Taeyong realized what Johnny had done.

Johnny rejected his bond with Sicheng.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> orange lilies - hatred  
> yellow roses - Friendship, jealousy, infidelity, apology, a broken heart, intense emotion, undying love, extreme betrayal  
> chrysanthemum - You're A Wonderful Friend; Cheerfulness and Rest  
> purple heather - Admiration; Solitude  
> white roses - Innocence and Secrecy  
> rosemary - Remembrance  
> snowdrops - Consolation or hope


	11. Deprived

The first thing Johnny found when he finally stopped being petty and came back to their dorm room is Yuta and Hansol carrying overnight bags.

The moment he opened the door, Yuta's smile morphed into a scowl as he dropped the bag and almost jumped to plummel Johnny down if it wasn't for Hansol hugging him from the back to stop him. The Busan boy tried calming his soulmate down as Yuta resorted to using his soccer-trained legs to maybe kick Johnny where it counted but the elder side-stepped enough to avoid them.

"Are you robbing my dorm?" was all he said as Hansol massaged Yuta's nape to keep him from blowing up again while the Japanese boy glowered at the careless way Johnny is addressing the situation.

Yuta jabbed a finger at Johnny's chest, yelling "This is your goddamn fault."

Since when was being robbed his fault? Did Taeyong not lock their door so it meant they were easy pickings for even someone as harmless as Yuta could break in? He looked at Hansol partially for support but also so he could see from his flowers if Yuta was playing some elaborate prank on him and everyone would be jumping out of their hiding places. When he found begonias, white chrysanthemums and yellow carnations, he only grew more confused.

"What is going on? Is Taeyong making you do this? He has what he wanted so leave me out of whatever this is." Johnny muttered bitterly, his chest heavy as his entire being screamed for him to run back to Sicheng and continue what he was supposed to say before Joonmyun came and he forced himself to exit a week prior.

Hansol looked confused, scanning Johnny's face for any sign of something before he said slowly "Hyung, where were you this whole time?

Johnny's eyebrows rose. "I slept over my old friend's because I needed some references from them." Not that it was really that important but he was more comfortable with staying with Sehun who seemed to know what was going on the moment Johnny barged in with fury and let him cool down for the week. However he had to sleep through the strange noises from Sehun's room, a garbled mess of what sounded like Mandarin and Korean that is often accompanied by even more suspicious sounds that he chalked up to Sehun's oddly timed phone calls from someone.

Yuta almost pulled at his hair, eyes starting to water and Hansol, ever attentive, rubbed his back in comfort. "Johnny, you piece of shit. You really don't know and we kept calling you but your phone is fucking out of reach." 

Hansol continued for him as Yuta has turned and hugged him to hide the tears that are starting to run down his face. "Everyone's taking turns going to the hospital and looking after-"

"Winwin?" Johnny gasped, hand curling against his mouth before he could stop himself. The slow nod Hansol made only made his hands cold and he took several breaths to calm down the sudden pick up in his heartbeat. Yuta wiped his tears away, sniffling as he glared at Johnny from where he his head is buried on his soulmate's chest.

"Taeyong has been trying to contact you nonstop and he's a mess over this because the doctors are telling him if they don't start the procedure then Winwin is going to end up in a coma or even-" a fresh wave of tears flowed down his cheeks as he tried to finish his sentence and only managing to croak out the word "-Die" before he furiously scrubbed the wetness off his cheeks.

Johnny didn't know what to do. His feet are frozen to the ground as Hansol herded Yuta out the door with the address of the hospital as his final words to him and the lock loudly clicked before he backed himself to the door.

He slid down to sit on the floor, mouth agape and suddenly feeling like he wanted to vomit. Johnny's eyes watered at the recollection of the last time he saw the younger Chinese boy and when he came to the part he was telling Taeyong that he could have him, his heart lurched and he hit his head. A piercing pain overcame his head as he ran a hand through his hair and snagged onto one of his flowers. He put his hand down to look, paling as he saw the spots of blood on his palm and the piece of hyacinth that fell off, the stalk covered in red.

Johnny hugged his knees, letting his head pillow against it and closed his eyes. He thought about the first time he saw Sicheng lying on that hospital bed breathing through an oxygen mask with clusters of flowers on his skin. The times they always seemed to just gravitate towards one another without knowing about it. Why didn't he say anything to him when it was so easy to reject him? It wasn't rare where soulmates rejected each other; in fact, there has been cases where soulmate couples ended up becoming friends instead of getting together and there even are uncommon instances where soulmates are even rejected because of circumstances beyond their control. These people lived but the loss affected them to a degree that everyone can see it on the withering flower crowns and they have been treated like those who don't have them. It didn't make sense why Sicheng was in the hospital if it were for that-

He jolted upright, gasping out his breaths and choking on them when he recalled what he said and done before.  A phenomenon similar to the first time you pass by your soulmate without meeting them is when they have been rejected without the conscious idea they did.

The one thing more dangerous to someone who's allergic to flowers that came from their surroundings are flowers growing inside of them.

 

That night, Johnny didn't go to the hospital.

He couldn't wrap his head around it, that Sicheng is dying because he sounded like he rejected him when he was just cut off. The chance of it happening was slim to none with the way it's being broadcast through media that it's an idea that didn't happen often because you can lie about that rejection as long as your mind isn't doing so. Your subconscious was a bigger influence to whether rejection did or did not occur, the verbal confirmation nothing less than a placebo for what you truly felt.

Johnny didn't reject him. He never felt like he did. Sicheng was someone he never thought would exist, someone who didn't exactly fit the criteria of conventional soulmate and lived his whole life confirming when he knew that just because he lived in a world where flowers were everywhere around people's heads, it didn't mean he was entitled to mope about it. He continued on like everyone did without letting himself be hindered. Just like how Johnny forced himself to never conform into what people thought because his parents weren't soulmates.

Still, Johnny couldn't face Sicheng after all this sudden internal reflection and much less see Taeyong who he too dragged into this without meaning to, blinded by irritation and uncalled jealousy. God, he was an idiot.

Johnny knew it wasn't his decision. It was Sicheng's from the start whether he chose Taeyong who stayed by his side or followed what his flower crown dictated. If he did chose Taeyong, he won't be able to do anything about it because he found that if he were to intervene, it'd only bring more suffering in both parties.

He fell asleep to the heavy settling of that thought.

 

Johnny sat in front of his grand piano in his dream.

It was the same white piano he played with his mother when he was younger, then chubby fingers thumping on the keys as his mother giggled at how passionate he was with it. The instrument was always there as his mother taught piano lessons to the other kids in the block and Johnny spent the sessions with them, learning along with them that soon he was able to play Waltz of the Flowers at the age of thirteen.

His hands rested on the ivory keys, their coldness familiar to him as he began to play. At first a slow tinkering of the notes, fingers barely moving away from the middle as he started to feel the music.

With a hum, he played the first notes to Fur Elise.

There is a comfort in the song as they echoed in his surroundings, everything covered in darkness except where he was sitting with the piano playing for whatever was in it. He reached the middle, speed picking up as his fingers pressed down the keys before he felt someone else with him in the room. Johnny felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand when the sensation of being watched crept on him but he kept his eyes on his moving fingers as the song slowed and he pressed in alternate intervals the black and white keys before there is weight on his back as someone sat down and leaned on him. He almost missed a note at the sudden intrusion but gained his bearings and continued, hoping it was just his mother. He had dreams like these, his overwhelming sadness of not seeing his mother like he used to and leaving her to fend for herself while they talked over the phone.

But as he reached the end of the song  the person with their back to his spoke and he realized it wasn't her.

"That was beautiful."

Johnny stiffened, palms now floating over the keys as arms reached under his and hands touching the tops of his to gently put them back on the keys. He looked over his shoulder to find Sicheng with a small smile on his face. He couldn't speak, unsure what to say to this apparition making its appearance when he still was trying to pace himself.

Sicheng looked paler than the time he first saw him, hair matted with spots of drying blood and his flowers, yellow carnations that were missing petals or had wilting edges, were sagging against his hair. He was even wearing a hospital gown, too big for him and he was supporting his whole weight against Johnny's back. The closeness of their faces made him notice the little petals peeking out of the corner of the boy's pale lips and he looked down to find that from the collar of his garment was a large purple bruise and several dark spots that looked like indents of flower-like shapes.

"Winwin." he said as the younger settled himself shakily to the chair beside him, hands still on Johnny's. "What are-"

Sicheng looked at him sadly, pressing his fingers down. "Play for me one more song?" As he spoke, Johnny saw the clusters of small flowers lining his throat and coating his tongue so it could be that Sicheng might not even be awake in the present. He could be being pumped out by the doctors to stop the flowers from entering the inner linings of his lungs and die of an organ failure. This made him almost stand up to find a way to wake up but Sicheng held him firmly with narrowed eyes. "One more song and I won't bother you any longer."

"You don't know what you're saying," Johnny breathed out as he felt Sicheng's fingers dip into the space between his and gripping tightly to his palm "Please. You just need to wake up and-"

"I'm not waking up, hyung." he said as he looked at the ivory keys with longing and shook his head.

Johnny swore he could feel his heart stop beating at that moment "This isn't a joke. You're going to wake up and you'll sort everything out and Taeyong will help-"

Sicheng turned his head so they were only an inch away, tucking his chin on Johnny's shoulder to keep his unwavering gaze on the other. It made the elder quiet down anything he wanted to say, shallow breaths mingling between them that they could feel it against their lips.

"One last song before we go," with the proximity, Johnny smelled the floral scent of his breath "Please?"

Who was he to ignore that? He nodded slowly, moving his head to face the keys even when he was reluctant to break the eye contact and played the Waltz of the Flowers as Sicheng listened with his hands over his. Johnny played, even with the tears blurring his sight and the painful crushing sensation in his chest that made him miss several cues if not for Sicheng helping him with a faint laugh. His tears dripped down his face onto the back of Sicheng's hand and when he finished the song, the younger placed a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth only for Johnny to taste blood.

He woke up crying at five in the morning, choking down his sobs as the tightness in his chest became unbearable and he rushed to the bathroom to dry heave against the sink to get rid of the pain inside his body even when he knew it was useless. He grasped the edges of the porcelain as he spotted the wound from where he yanked the flower off before bleeding, a trail of blood streaking down one side of his face and dabbing on the corner of his mouth as more dripped out.

Sicheng didn't have enough time left to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yellow carnations - You Have Disappointed Me; Rejection  
> hyacinth - I Am Sorry; Please Forgive Me: Sorrow  
> begonia - Beware  
> white chyrsanthemum - Truth


	12. Withering

Taeyong took a deep whiff of the Caramel Macchiato in his hands, the warmth of the cup cozy on his cold skin from the air-conditioning on full blast. The nurses were kind enough to let him into their break room to get something hot for him at three in the morning, their eyes often lingering at his hair and they'd whisper among themselves when they checked on Sicheng's room where Taeyong would be sitting next to the bed reading a book and looking over the boy.

  
Their voices drifted from the gap he left on the door by accident the third day, soft whispers nothing but curious and accusing.

  
_"Hey, the boy who's in critical condition doesn't seem to need his soulmate when he has that handsome number?"_

  
_"That's so stupid. Who would do that?"_

  
_"I was there when they first got him in and the other one without the flowers actually ran all the way here carrying the kid. Isn't that sweet?"_

  
_"Dr. Kim said the patient was rejected and he's suffering in-growth of his flowers."_

  
_"It doesn't sound so serious then!" An annoying round of laughter that had Taeyong gritting his teeth but continued listening._

  
_Shushing noises. "Don't you know that boy is a regular at hospitals? He's the one who has allergies for flowers."_

  
_"How did he live for so long? I feel sorry for that friend of his, seeing him dying so young."_

  
_"You're disrespectful. All of you go back to work!"_

  
He sighed as he placed the cup on the table and ran a hand through Sicheng's hair when he saw the slight furrow on the younger's eyebrows. His skin was colder now and Taeyong pulled the covers higher up his chin, careful with the oxygen mask on the boy's mouth. Dr. Kim Seokjin was kind enough to tell them that these flowers aren't filled with pollen and merely placebo-like in their growth so it didn't affect Sicheng too much. He was more worried about the flowers inside his body that might be triggering antibodies and the reason why Sicheng was having harder time breathing and why he might experience small seizures at random times if he continued without the surgery.

  
"Winwin, I'm sorry." He muttered to himself mostly, knowing Sicheng is too weak to hear him. There is a resignation in his voice as he touched the boy's wrist and placed his forehead against the back of his hand as if asking physically for the forgiveness he didn't know if he deserved. "I'm so fucking selfish, aren't I? I don't want to think that you won't wake up, okay? I'll find a way to get you that surgery so please-" he choked down a sob, burying his face on the sheets to wipe the tears that would come "Please hold on a little longer. If it isn't for your parents then for your friends, for me and even for Johnny."

  
Yuta found him like that an hour later, asleep with Sicheng's hand cushioned under his cheek and the Japanese boy wondered why couldn't it have been as simple as this bond between the them.

  
He didn't want to disturb Taeyong so he opted to draping a blanket over his hunched form and shook his head, hoping that Johnny would already come to put everyone out of their misery. Yuta was worried about Sicheng, the Chinese boy like family to him now and despite the circumstances of seeing him being dragged to the hospital for check-ups, never saw Sicheng actually had this severe allergies. It was always Taeyong who fixed him up whenever those moments occurred with a little medicine and care to keep his nose covered from the pollen around them. Hansol often liked saying that if Taeyong was mostly the mother to the giant baby Sicheng, Yuta was the affectionate father who got along well with Sicheng and helped him through the hardships in life in an independent outlook unlike Taeyong's spoiling methods of care. There is something endearing about Sicheng and everyone felt it which is why seeing him almost lifeless that the only hope they have left are the beeps of the heart monitor.

  
Hansol gingerly rubbed his shoulders, worried. Yuta looked at him, tight-lipped smile his only response as he patted the hands on him. It made the elder speak "He'll come."

  
"How do you know? He was the reason this is happening in the first place." Yuta whispered back, frustrated at Johnny's absence that everyone noticed how he was the only one who wasn't visiting the hospital.

  
The elder didn't really know if Johnny would come today or tomorrow but there is this determination inside him that he knew Johnny would come even though he didn't know when. It was just blind faith perhaps in the other after seeing him at his highs and lows over the years and as much as how Johnny was against the soulmate theory, he wouldn't be an asshole when everyone within a mile could see there was something between him and Sicheng. Hansol could only whisper to Yuta the words "Trust in him more" as he looked over the bedridden boy.

  
There's not much time left ,however, for them to wait.

 

Shit hit the fan when after forty-eight hours of observation, Sicheng woke up only to vomit flowers laced with blood and bile on himself. He jerked on the bed with his body shaking as his elbows jolted on the air and his feet hit the end of the bed that it moved away from the wall. The heart monitor was going crazy, Taeil calling over the nurses and doctors for assistance as Taeyong held Sicheng down with his fingers in the younger's mouth to stop him from biting his own tongue.

  
Dr. Seokjin rushed inside the room and looked over the situation before he said to one of the nurses "Strap him down and wheel him to the Emergency Room. We can't let those flowers in him any longer," before he went to Sicheng's side and instructed Taeyong to remove his hand so he could stuff a cloth instead. The elder's fingers were bleeding with how Sicheng accidentally bit him and the panic he was feeling numbed everything. Dr. Seokjin clicked his tongue as the nurses came inside with leather straps they hooked under the bed and strapped Sicheng's convulsing body to the bed "Okay, I need to have the surgeon proceed to the Emergency Room immediately! It's a code red and his vitals are failing."

  
The bed is being pushed outside the room as everyone pushed people out of the way and at some point Ten was gasping out "Oh my god" while Taeyong held onto the headboard looking at how Sicheng's eyes were starting to roll against his skull.

  
Sicheng was wheeled into the ER, Dr. Seokjin sent them all outside with a stern "Stay here and wait!" before the OPERATION sign hanging over the door flashing red. Taeyong's hands were on the glass window as he looked at Sicheng being held down and the surgeon rushing over wearing his gear.

  
"The surgeon might not be able to make a complete transplant." Taeil said gravely, hands shaking that he had to hug himself to stop the tremors.

  
Ten looked appalled at what he said from where he sat. "What the hell does that mean? He's gonna let Winwin die?"

  
Taeil shook his head and looked over at Taeyong with a pleading look "It's not like that! You know what Dr. Kim said about the transplant. With how weak Winwin's body is at the moment, he might not accept just anything into his system. If they tried to force it, the new rejection of those new flowers are going to kill him right away."

  
"What do you expect for us to do then?"

  
"Taeyong, you know where Winwin's soulmate is. Please just-" Yuta muttered as he grabbed the other's shoulder harshly with a wild look in his eyes. Hansol nodded, worried as well at the negative possibilities that are being laid out on them.

  
Taeyong didn't know what to do as he looked back at Sicheng who was breathing heavily against the cloth in his mouth, tears mixing with the blood dripping from his head.

There is a sudden flash of all the times he's helped Sicheng get his breathing back, cursing at the shifting flowers as the younger coughed his lungs out. The years they spent together with prescribed pills in different colors because Sicheng used to forget what his mother sent for him and the first few months of knowing each other, Taeyong witnessed him coughing three times a week that he brought it to himself to record everything about his illness just to make sure he didn't go through the process of seeing Sicheng hunched over the ground with his nose bleeding from too much pain. There was never a need to go to the hospital, always ready with the inhaler and medication to prevent anything severe from happening to him. And when everything had fallen into a routine, everything changed when one passing presence wedged itself into a place Taeyong knew he was only holding temporarily. He always knew that. 

The first time Sicheng was in this hospital, it was because paths between him and his soulmate were crossed and set the wheel running for the events to unfold like clockwork.

The second time he is hospitalized, Taeyong hated the thought as his tears began to form on his waterline, Sicheng might not survive without the help of his soulmate.

There was no one to blame, not when Sicheng's life was on the line and perhaps Taeyong can blame the flowers once more.

 


	13. Watered Down

Heavy footsteps echoed as he sprinted through the streets, legs burning with the strain in his uncomfortable choice of jeans for the day and the heat crawling on his back.

Johnny bumped into people along the way, harsh insults thrown his way as he spun his head to yell an apology before he continued his run. The bandage haphazardly tied around his head is soaked with blood that it seeped onto the cotton leaving an obvious red spot is what people look at him for and how he lost one of his shoes when he accidentally had it snagged by the elevator on his way down the dorm, his feet scratched by the rough asphalt. But he didn't have much mind to fix himself and not look like a lunatic under a life and death situation because the latter was what he felt this emergency was.

Kun had to tell him the news because he didn't take time to check his phone after he chose to go to Sicheng and Kun's shared dorm.

Kun wasn't kind when he almost punched him the minute he saw Johnny at his door but it could from how tired he look or the bandage he saw, the Chinese male managed to stop his hand mid-air. His face was blank with only his eyes glaring at him with accusation, dressed in ruffled clothes with a face mask on ready to go out.

"Where are you going?" Johnny asked, unsure what he was here for when Sicheng was in the hospital. Advice? From one of the first people who found out about him and Sicheng being soulmates?

"I'm getting Sicheng's clothes. You know, because he is in the hospital for someone who made the mistake of denying whatever bond there was?" It was just like Kun to shot down the facts early and Johnny gritted his teeth.

"You think I don't know that?" the taller muttered as he gripped his wrist to ground himself with all the spiraling doubt and confusion in his mind. If he did go to Sicheng's side, would it really matter when Taeyong is someone that better suited him? It's the thought that primarily made him take a step back from speaking up.

Kun rolled his eyes as he hauled the bag over his shoulder "If you knew any better then you wouldn't be here and you would be in the hospital making amends. It's pathetic that you keep running away from this. What are you afraid of? If you ask me, it's not just about Taeyong's feelings. It's also about yours."

Johnny scoffed, hands thrown into the air in exasperation " You think it's easy? That I'd change everything just because I learn he's not some teenage rebel who's angry at the world but it's his allergies? Would it change anything that it all could be this soulmate bullshit?"

"Is it really so bad to like someone with or without that bond being mixed into this? Sicheng is someone who never harmed anyone, most likely to be the one coddled by anyone who lays their eyes on him and admittedly a good person. Tell me, Johnny. Do you hate him?"

"I like him,"  was what Johnny immediately said and Kun tilted his head at the sudden declaration "It was so easy to like him that I never realized how far I fell into these feelings. Maybe there is something holding me back."

"You're the only one holding yourself back..." the Chinese male said softly, understanding written all over his face and he shut the door behind him to properly face Johnny "...why don't you come with me? I'm dropping these off-"

Kun's phone took this moment to ring, fishing the device out of his pocket to answer while he gestured Johnny to wait "What is it? Yuta, calm down," the latter looked up at the mention of Yuta's name "I can't understand you when you're speaking too fast. Pass this to Hansol-hyung if you're not going to-"

There is a murmuring from the other line that sounded like Ten's voice and Kun's eyes widened before he whipped his head at Johnny "Okay. I'll be there as fast I can and-" the second Kun dropped the call, it began ringing again that he cursed in Mandarin under his breath before answering.

"Hello? Junhui? Yeah, I'm at my dorm what-Mr. Xiao Lu is having a class now?!" he looked over at Johnny with a panicked look in his eyes "But he's not supposed to be back this week and I have an-"

"What's going on?"

Kun hissed at him for a few minutes as he said "Okay, Jun. Just-Dammit."

From what Johnny understood from the first call, something happened in the hospital. Yuta was always easily panicked over a lot of things, his concern for everyone more important than for his own and if he had a hard time speaking out of worry it only meant-

The dream he had before flashed into his memories with how Sicheng was so sure he wouldn't want to wake up. His skin grew cold at the thought, heartbeat thumping fast it became uncomfortable for him to breathe and before he knew it, he was leaving Kun behind and just ran.

So here he was, lost as he ran through the streets.

He must've looked like a mental asylum escapee with his whole attire but then he made the painful decision to run through oncoming traffic. It wasn't something he thought about with the panic thrumming through his veins like acid that forced to move, move, move without preamble where he should be going so he didn't bother anyone.

The incessant honking directed at him from the disgruntled drivers who had to make a sharp curve when he sprinted into their way without stopping were nothing but buzzing background noises that mixed with his panting and heavy footsteps. Some passerby actually reached out to grab him by the arm to stop him from his movement but with a hard yank, he'd push them away before almost tripping.

It almost felt like snapshots moving too fast, like a movie he was watching. Except the burn in his muscles from the strain and the sweat that is dripping down his skin grounded him that this was real and time was ticking down.

"Ack!" Johnny yelled as his jacket got caught on a hook on one of the posts, vertigo making him trip but dangling by the caught fabric that he looked ridiculous. Angrily, he pulled it off of him and he fell to the ground, cheek scraping against the concrete with the impact. He's breathless that the more he gasped for air the more constricted he felt, fist thumping his chest in futile attempt to ease himself.

Is it too late to take back all his words now? Or would a formal apology filled with tears, screaming and maybe physical rough-housing would do the trick? When will the world just end this misery without letting some dramatic burst out the door nonsensical declaration somewhat fix the first problems?

Johnny hauled himself up, wincing when he tasted blood from the corner of his lip and sluggishly continued to pace himself back to the speed he made before. "Damn it." he muttered, mind too cluttered to think straight as he passed the corner where the sign for the hospital Hansol told him the address was. The more he grew close to the large white building, the more he is drawn to a certain direction he couldn't understand and he panicked, heels dragging as he barged through the glass doors only for his strength to fail him that he is dragged back to the entrance.

"Come...on..." he gasped as he pushed his entire body to get inside. Johnny huffed more as he dragged himself to the main counter where the receptionist, a nurse who gasped at him the minute he spoke up "I...need to get to one of your...patients. D-Dong Siche-"

The arm he was supposed to be leaning on the top of the counter missed, toppling his entire weight to the floor. The top of his head hit the counter right where his wound was, a shooting pain that morphed into a burning sensation as it reopened and more petals ripped off their stalks. He's disoriented from the exhaustion and pain, letting the hands that pull him up be as his eyes blurred again. All the noise finally erupted now that his guards are down, screaming and unnecessary bustle as rapid footsteps echoed around him. It's not as overwhelming as the sound of his harsh heartbeats that might leave an imprint on his ribcage with its speed and the buzzing in his ears like entering through a tunnel or a sudden gust of wind swooping down on him. He doesn't want to be tired. This wasn't why he was here and maybe the doctors won't be able to help him when he wakes up with dead flowers.

Yet darkness consumed him and he let himself be dragged by it.


	14. Grafting

Jaehyun slumped against one of the many chairs lining the outside of the emergency room with his head on his hands. There's a pain on his temple from the stress of his exams and the grueling waiting they all needed to endure to see that red sign turn off, nervous over what will happen now. It's been two hours and the operation is still undergoing for no reason but to keep Sicheng alive as they tried to find a donor that fit him the last minute.

Taeyong stopped crying but his eyes are still puffy and wet. It was a mess to look at, adding more hurt to the rest of them as they saw the well-put Lee Taeyong who's gone through even worse situations because of his perceived defect and who always put up a strong face to make sure he didn't share any burden to everyone who supported him. He was the pillar of their little group and it was like watching the world crumble when he fell.

A hand rubbed his shoulder and he looked up to see Doyoung who is giving him a small reassuring smile. The elder crouched in front of him, smacking his lips for several seconds to compose himself and said "You sure you don't want to drink anything? You're tired."

Jaehyun shook his head, pursing his lips when Doyoung's hands slid down to wrap around his hands and rubbed his knuckles. "Everyone is. It's something no one expected with how Taeyong's-"

"You know how much we can't control things. I mean, Taeyong can't protect him forever when this was bound to happen."

This made Jaehyun remove his hands from Doyoung's grip, eyebrows furrowed "What? It was bound to happen that Winwin is going to die? Is that it?" he said bordering to a high-pitched squeak. Doyoung hushed him as he held his hands again, the only way he knew to ground him when he was on the verge of panic.

The elder shook his head and his thumbs rubbed soothing circles on Jaehyun's knuckles "Calm down. That's not what I meant-"

"Doyoung, he asked me about his soulmate before all this happened and now he's here because his soulmate rejected him while Taeyong is an emotional wreck over something he's not telling any of us."

Doyoung turned quiet as he stared at the other's wrist, contemplating about what he should say. Taeyong reached over him after Sicheng was wheeled into the emergency room, breaking down as he held onto him and Doyoung let him, patting his back once in a while as he endured the choked sobs that he heard from Taeyong. Everyone tried to help him calm down, Ten even saying he'll check with the receptionist and even his friends to see if there is a way to find a donor.

Donors for flower crowns were rare, a match that served for cases where there is an accidental rejection or even when mistakes that shouldn't be made are done due to unforeseen consequences. They were compatible in a sense that if they transplanted one of their flowers onto someone else, it can stabilize the patient enough time to sever or keep the bond depending on the choice they make. Sometimes it was successful, sometimes it failed but it was a procedure that most doctors take years of training to do with how risky meddling with the bond was. The flowers root on to the person give them a semblance of acceptance that counters the rejection and come spring, the flower will be replaced by a new bloom. It was a phenomenon straight out of a plant documentary from their Biology lessons, a myth discussed in their Theory of Soulmates seminars when they turned thirteen but no one prepared them for this to happen.

Then again, not any of the stories told of someone allergic to flowers being rejected, Doyoung mused.

Jaehyun took one of his hands out of Doyoung's grip again and reached out to touch the eglantine roses and geranium around Doyoung's head, a habit he developed after they started going out that always made his heart stutter. Pale fingertips brushing against soft petals, turning to trace the shape of the blooms before they trailed down Doyoung's cheek. They looked at each other, eyes reflecting their fears and worries with how their friend was in danger and they can't do anything else to help. It wasn't their place.

"Would it be inappropriate that I want to kiss you right now?" Jaehyun whispered, sweet voice sounding like it was about to crack any moment. He's so scared that he doesn't know what he's saying. He's scared he'll lose someone close to him, someone that he clicked with when they met because of their same age and almost like a brother he never knew he could have. Who would be the lemon in their Lemon-Orange duo now? The Chocolate to the Chocolate-Strawberry duo? (These two duos were made during the Cooking class they shared and how they were paired together before it became F4 on their finals week that consisted with the addition of Yuta and Taeyong) It wouldn't be the same.

Doyoung raised a brow at him "I don't think this is the right time to do that." Sure there had been instances where they kissed at places where they shouldn't be affectionate like during Mark's workshop for Dance last year where they made out in the dance practice room because Jaehyun was being a tease and Mark made the unfortunate decision of walking in to get them, the Choir club often made sure the two weren't alone during late nights after that incident of a teacher finding them cuddling near the piano and the time that they had a play-fight in the kitchen where it was Sicheng who came in, Taeyong glowering at them for two weeks because he thought they scarred his child. They were affectionate with each other, their weird pre-relationship tension made from not wanting to push boundaries between friendship and romance cementing them to show a little attention once in a while. But not everyone appreciated that, it seems.  

"Yeah, it's not. It's sickening to look at you two at the corner with your intimacy. Please minimize it when the rest of us want to vomit out of worry." Yuta's voice cut through their moment like a knife, annoyed as he leaned to Hansol's side who was calling Johnny only to get his voicemail every time. Taeil is chuckling where he sat two seats away from Jaehyun and Doyoung, muttering something about public displays and young love. 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes at Yuta's statement, now crossing his arms because he got carried away by his emotions again. Doyoung shook his head in fondness as he stood up and placed a soft kiss on Jaehyun's forehead, nose brushing against the heliotropes and white heather before he said "I'm going to have to find Taeyong. He'll need the company."

The younger nodded, waving him goodbye before he looked at the emergency room again. "Do you think they found a donor already?" he asked the others.

"They need to," Yuta muttered as he also looked at where Jaehyun was with a conviction in his eyes "Winwin's been suffering for days and if he doesn't recover, his organs might fail."

Taeil looked over at him, curiosity on his face before he said "This would've been easier if they let us give him ours. It's not much but-"

Hansol looked uncomfortable and Yuta elbowed him in the stomach "Hey, don't look so scared."

Jaehyun is about to say if they could've given him flowers then they wouldn't spend a week in this hospital but a small man with owl-like eyes framed with round specs that looked ready to murder came near their little group and said "Who are Dong Sicheng's guardians? You lot look too young to be his parents."

Yuta is the one who immediately answered him, unfazed with how scary he looked "His parents aren't in the country at the moment. His emergency contact would be considered the guardian, right?"

The man nodded and looked over the clipboard he held before speaking "Are you Lee Taeyong then? Because I need to discuss something with him about the state Sicheng is in."

 There is a hush of silence between them and Jaehyun shook his head that made the man look at him "Doyoung is getting him from where he's hiding. We can listen for him, if that's okay."

The doctor shrugged as he lifted a paper from the stack he held "Either way, I'm telling you. I'm Do Kyungsoo from the Specialist Team here and based on the statistics they've been sending me about the patient, his respiratory system is shutting down."

A collective intake of breaths echoed in the room and Dr. Kyungsoo continued "It's the flowers inside him. They're ongoing surgery because they kept growing back whenever they pluck them out and every time they finished cleaning an area, more flowers grow back. Like some sick hydra growing more heads when they cut off one," he clicked his tongue as he raised his glasses higher up his nose "At this rate, if there's no donor to be found, the exposure of his body to the foreign materials of the environment might give him nerve damage especially how his antibodies seem to build up over the minuscule particle that touches him."

"What does it mean?" Taeil muttered.

"It means that because we all have flower crowns, even if we cover the patient's mouth and to avoid him being disturbed again, the flowers of the surgeons and nurses inside might affect him when they make contact with his body. Pollen might end up inside him and it will send him to a severe state of seizures. He's being cut open right now so if he even moves despite the anesthesia pumped into his system-"

"Goddamit what are you trying to say?"

Dr. Kyungsoo paused, looking over their horrified faces and tilted his head as if he's regarding them as idiots "I need to ask this for several reasons. If we don't find his soulmate in time, we will have to resort to someone else. So would any of you be kind to tell me who is the closest with Dong Sicheng?"

Yuta and Jaehyun raised their hands in reflex, Hansol gently pushing down his soulmate's with a sheepish expression and Jaehyun realized that Dr. Kyungsoo meant something else so he too put down his hand, eyes widening at what the doctor was implying. "Wait. What kind of close?"

"These modern times usually twist soulmates into many things. There are odd instances that you can develop several kinds of soulmates depending on the circumstance. It's how we base the donors or whoever is compatible at first sight. They're not necessarily soulmates but the way they're perfect for each other is close to it, a bond that no one can come close to," Dr. Kyungsoo tapped his chin before he added, "More than friends, less than lovers is how I can describe it."

Now didn't that sound familiar.

It made Hansol look at Yuta who in turn did the same to Jaehyun who also turned to Taeil before it was returned to Hansol like some weird stare relay that made Dr. Kyungsoo a little unnerved. Yuta seemed to be sending signals to everyone, eyes shifting from one person to another before Jaehyun tilted his chin for someone to say it out-front while Hansol and Taeil  shared a knowing look. Fed up with whatever they were doing, Dr. Kyungsoo snarled out "Well? Anyone in mind or are you all doing some telepathic ritual until your friend dies?"

"What the hell? This isn't a joke!" Yuta yelled at the callous words this doctor sent and Jaehyun stood up to face Kyungsoo.

The doctor looked serious without a trace of joking and perhaps he was just impatient with their silence so Jaehyun tried to find the right words to explain why they were acting like that. Yuta looked ready to fight and Dr. Kyungsoo is too casual to even be considered a doctor when he added "It wouldn't be one if you just stopped stalling and tell me."

Hansol spoke up "There is but-"

"Look, kids. I don't know about what personal issues you need to fix between yourselves. I'm here to make sure the patient is given more chances of survival whatever means necessary that is under the protocol we set. I'm here to help and the more you cooperate with me, the more chances you'll get seeing your friend out of that operating room safe and recovering."

His words sounded harsh but the weight of them gave everyone a semblance of comfort that he too wanted to make sure someone didn't die. Except the reality of the situation was still clear and Jaehyun finally opened his mouth. "Lee Taeyong would be the best candidate-"

"Well! That's some star-crossed lovers plot-"

"-but there's no chance he can help."

Dr. Kyungsoo glared at Jaehyun for interupting him when he cut him off in the first place and he scowled. "That some kind of bullshit? He's the emergency contact and he can't help? What kind of person is he-"

It is then that Doyoung and Taeyong rounded the corner to find them, eyes narrowed at the strange doctor that looked like he might throttle Jaehyun who was the closest and Doyoung rushed to his side asking "What's going on?"

"He wants to talk to Taeyong." was Yuta's curt reply.

Taeyong looked tired, dark circles under his eyes intensified with how puffy they were from crying in the bathroom where Doyoung found him. Still, if a doctor wanted to speak with them, he would gladly do so and steeled himself as the small man turned to him.

"I'm Lee Taeyong. What's the problem?"

The doctor's eyes who were already huge widened even more that it looked unnerving as they stared at him. Or more specifically, the top of his head where one would usually find flowers and Taeyong is about to hint how uncomfortable and rude his staring was when the doctor whipped his head to the others.

"Well, shit. This is a problem," he returned his gaze to Taeyong, the look of pity so familiar to the other that his body tensed out of reflex "The chances of Sicheng surviving without his soulmate is narrowing."

Taeyong's heart plumeted down his stomach. He won't start crying now when he needed to understand what this doctor was saying "There's no donor?"

"You were the closest candidate to replace his soulmate and it would've been a compatible match but..." he trailed off and looked over his files again with furrowed brows "Do you know where the soulmate is? From what Dr. Kim told me, the cluster of flowers growing meant that this rejection was a conflict instead of a outright occurrence. A transplant from him is the only chance to be able to stop the growth of flowers."

"How should I know? He wouldn't answer any of our calls and Yuta even told him but he's still not here." Taeyong said, voice cracking at the end. He's shaking from over exhaustion and anger, mixing with the worry and panic that never left his mind.

The rapid successions of footsteps echoed as Ten barged into them with his hair rumpled from the run, eyes wide as he yelled "Johnny's in the hospital!"

Everyone lost their cool and they rushed to Ten to ask questions.

"What the hell?" Jaehyun said as he grabbed the Thai boy's arm in alarm "How did that happen?"

Yuta rushed to grab the other arm that Doyoung wasn't holding and shoving him "Where did you even hear that? That coward won't come here of all places!"

Hansol and Doyoung tried to pry their respective partners off of the poor Ten who was being tugged in different directions and when they let go, Taeyong shook him by his shoulders to help him gain his balance back before asking "Ten, what happened to Johnny?"

"The nurses said he just came into the hospital looking like shit," Ten gasped for air from the strain given to him "He was in bad shape and his head was bleeding. I was walking by the lobby and everyone was crowding around him, even Dr. Kim. They're making him breathe through a oxygen mask but he's delirious and looking for Winwin." he looked into Taeyong's eyes, pleading "Do you think-"

Yuta didn't waste any time and looked over Dr. Kyungsoo who's just staring at them with a strange look in his face. "Tell the doctors the soulmate is here but there's no guarantee that he's fit enough to give consent."

"If he's delirious and weak, then we don't have time to consider ethics and protocols," Dr. Kyungsoo said slowly, taking his phone out of his pocket to dial a number and cradling it near his ear "The bond is at its seams and they need to wheel that person into the operation room right now if you want to save your friend."

The other line clicked as Kyungsoo spoke into the phone "Hello, Dr. Kim. It's me, Dr. Do and I need you to bring the new patient to the OR as soon as you can. He's the soulmate and Dong Sicheng needs immediate transplant."

It took a few minutes before Dr. Seokjin is running with the nurses while someone is being wheeled in a bed with an oxygen mask on their face.

Ten wasn't exaggerating when he said Johnny looked like shit. The bandage he had around his head was loosened to show the gaping wound between his flowers, blood trailing down the exposed flesh that it made Yuta sick enough to hide his face on Hansol's chest. His cheek was scratched, welts of blood marring his skin and the purple discoloration under his eyes made him look paler than he should. Taeyong couldn't understand why Johnny let himself suffer before he even considered going to Sicheng's side. Is it guilt? Or that he finally realized how much of an asshole he was for forsaking everyone else's feelings over his past dilemmas? He would need to talk to him when everything is done, clear all the misunderstandings between the three of them because it was time to face what they've all been running away from the start.

The operating room's doors locked in place and they all sagged on the chairs, thrumming with fear and dread over what needed to be done now. They can't see inside as the operation took place, hands clasping in prayer for any deity to hear them that they wouldn't lose anyone tonight.

Dr. Kyungsoo's parting words for them before he left were "Trust us and we'll do our best. We fix your mistakes for you after all."

It felt like an accusation and it didn't help the doctor's eyes were straight on Taeyong.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eglantine roses - A wound to heal  
> geranium - Gentility, Determination  
> heliotrope - devotion  
> white heather - protection


	15. Cutting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry

"You sure you don't want anything? I mean, I can get-"

Sicheng shook his head slowly, smiling at Yuta who's holding the door handle despite how he seemed to be torn between leaving and rushing back to his side. "I'll be fine for a few minutes. The doctors think it might be better to give me some time alone."

Yuta jolted his body at him as if he were to hit him and laughed bitterly "Excuse you but the only time we'll leave you alone for awhile is when the doctors change your bandages. Not all of us can stomach that."

Absentmindedly, Sicheng pressed his fingers on the covered part of his crown near his temple. The wad of cotton was soft enough it didn't bother him but the line of stitches around the new flower bud in his hair often snagged on the fibers and a little blood would stain it that it was only three days before when he was still knocked out from the operation they used towels. It was a delirious time for him, the sensation of being awake but not being able to move, listening to the noises around him but not recognizing who was who and the press of fingers against his that calmed him. He only woke up properly yesterday to the sight of Ten holding a lunchbox and nearly dropping it when he saw Sicheng blink at him before asking in a croaked voice if he was going to share whatever food he packed.

"No one asked you to look." he whispered, his voice still breaking because his throat was itchy and not the medicine the doctors gave him paired with the water helped.

Yuta rolled his eyes, looking at his phone and sending one last look of warning at him "You don't move without assistance, you hear me? That button there-" he pointed at the plugged square-like clipping over Sicheng's table "That's for the nurse's assistance. I'm only leaving for thirty minutes with Hansol to get some food so there should be no problem."

Sicheng fidgeted from where he sat, back cushioned by large pillows before he clasped his fingers together "I'm sorry for all this trouble. Now you're all roped into-"

Yuta let go of the handle and walked over to his side, hands on Sicheng's shoulders before he shook him hard enough that the younger felt dizzy. When he settled back to glare at him, Yuta clicked his tongue "You really try so hard to make it your fault when it isn't, Winwin." and he went out the door.

The click of the lock in place made Sicheng blink, biting his lip at what the elder said before he wiggled more into the cocoon of blankets and pillows. "Wouldn't you feel that way after all this?" he said to himself in Mandarin, turning to his side to look at the empty bed beside his.

Johnny was on that bed. He was with him in the operating room, taking a piece of his flowers to give to the very person he rejected. It was confusing to say the least when he found out about it, angry that after everything that happened it took Johnny too much time to decide if he wanted to save him or not and still, his heart sped up at the thought that Johnny came to help him even after all he said. Everyone's look of relief when Sicheng woke up tugged at his heartstrings as they all huddled over his side because the boy gave them such a scare. They told him about how he was bedridden for a week, Taeyong breaking down, the clusters of flowers inside him regrowing every time they took it out that the operation lasted for hours and how Johnny collapsed in the lobby to find him. It was a whirlwind of information that Sicheng couldn't process it all even now.

There was something that struck to him though. The conversation he had with Ten this morning before it was Yuta's turn to look over him. Ten was a good person, charming despite not doing anything and considered a darling amongst the people who knew him. He was the type of person whose personality and good looks made him easily likable with everyone he meets which was why he was quite popular around campus. He liked Ten because he always seemed to know what to say in any situation, something Sicheng still has problem to this day. So after Ten gave him some of the Pad kra pao gai bibimbap he made, he suddenly sat down and said "So tell me. Do you like Johnny?"

This made him swallow the rice in the wrong pipe and he coughed, pumping weakly at his chest as he reached for the water and took a few gulps, gasping a "What?"

Ten didn't look fazed and continued "Or do you like Taeyong more?"

Sicheng can almost feel the rice tickling his throat about to fall to his windpipe again. Instead of answering, he shoved a spoonful of the spicy rice into his mouth. He chewed in thought but he didn't know what to say. Ten shook his head and took the spoon away from him much to Sicheng's chagrin. "Please don't ask me that."

"Who's going to ask you? Yuta doesn't want to repeat himself, Taeyong is being held back by the responsibilities he left to stay with you this whole time and Johnny is keeping distance because he's done his part," Ten tilted his head "It's a mess and I want to see it cleaned."

"Listen-" Sicheng started but Ten placed the spoon on his lip to shush him.

"No, Dong Sicheng, you listen to me. You won't listen to yourself and you won't listen to Yuta and Jaehyun while two of the closest friends to my heart are undergoing some enlightenment waiting for you to make up your mind." the Thai boy said, tone not as harsh as his words as they made Sicheng stiffen.

Of course it would be normal for Ten to look out for both Taeyong and Johnny. He's one of Taeyong's first friends when he first attended campus without any fuss over the lack of soulmate issue people spread rumors about and concentrated on the person not the flowers. He was Johnny's longest friend even before they went to the same school because they lived in the same neighborhood where the other moved from America fresh from the fight between his family's situation. He knew more about Taeyong and Johnny than anyone else and not even Hansol who is considered by most to be Johnny's best friend could come close to what Ten was to them. So to be scolded by him is the worst.

Sicheng took the spoon and mixed the bibimbap idly. "I don't know what to tell you," he winced as Ten glared at him "Because it feels like I do know what to do but I can't accept it yet." He chewed on his lower lip, thinking about the dream he had during that time he felt like he was so close to dying. The light was shining bright in one corner of his surroundings in the dream and when he turned around, he found a piano in the distance where someone was playing a song. His instincts made him follow the music without much trouble and when he recognized who it was sitting in front of it was Johnny, he couldn't move until the song finished.

There's a feeling in his gut, a mix of butterflies swarming and caterpillars squirming that was in par with having a hard time breathing. Was it elation that even before death he could see Johnny or was it despair? Either way, he held Johnny's hand as he played another song that made him want to stay in the moment. Just this odd feeling of being lost and found with him until it was time to face the reality that Johnny rejected him and Taeyong loved him. When he was left alone in the dream, he cried. He cried because he finally understood.

Sicheng had never been into the idea of falling in love. He didn't have the time to put effort in a relationship when everyone was obsessed with the prospect of meeting their soulmates and sometimes, the people he liked seemed to have already either met theirs or is waiting for them. He recalled when he had a crush on Kun for some time because they communicated better during those times he didn't know a lot of Korean, his helpful personality and understanding of Sicheng making it easy. However, as their schedules often made it impossible for them to be together for more than thirty minutes and his workload demanded him to stay outside more often, the feeling dulled into more of close familial bond and before he knew it, Taeyong came and made everything about Sicheng's allergies his business. He did like some people from his classes but it never went beyond the appreciation because he knew they all looked at him weird, whether it was because of the allergies or the way Taeyong hovered over him most of the time and the rumors that followed them.

He loves Taeyong still but not in the way that everyone wanted him to feel.

How do you not love someone who's seen you at your worst? How do you not love someone that's too close to you that they knew you better than you knew yourself? How do you not love someone you cherished so much that the mere idea of loving him out of pity made you sick? Sicheng struggled with himself when it came to Taeyong. He was safe, too safe and it's what made anything close to romance vanish from the very tips of his consciousness because he was safe. It's an odd idea that keeps him up at night a lot. Safety meant someone who was always there for him without asking for anything in return. Safety meant days where it was just them under blankets trying to recover from the recent allergy attack and tracing the veins on the side of Taeyong's neck pretending they were vampires for fun. Safety was the way Taeyong kept him protected and guarded without any complaint, never asking Sicheng to return it when it wasn't from the heart. There's nothing but kindness in everything Taeyong does and Sicheng noticed the change between them wasn't just out of over-protectiveness. Being in love with Taeyong could have been easy, would have felt right but his heart was a different story altogether than what his head was rationalizing.

Ten laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, eyes curious at what made him silent. "Winwin?"

Sicheng heaved a heavy sigh, losing his appetite as he said "I don't know, hyung. I don't know." Liar.

"I don't want to sound like I'm picking sides," the Thai boy muttered as he took the bowl of food out of  Sicheng's hands "But for the most part, Johnny might sound like he's anti-soulmate but it's not about the idea that he hates. I remember one time after we went on a date-" Sicheng's gut coiled uncomfortably at that, eyes narrowing at Ten but he reeled himself back as he blushed at his actions hoping the other didn't notice "He hated how negative his soulmate was when everyone had bigger problems that whatever they were experiencing. He always said that they were some rebellious teenager but..."

The Chinese boy coughed into his palm, a little ashamed at being called that but lets Ten continue.

"Johnny is a little too callous sometimes but to the tell the truth, he's always been guarded around the issue of his flowers. He'll talk a lot of trash over his soulmate without thinking because he thinks people who have soulmates take advantage of their privilege. Did he ever tell you his parents aren't soulmates and they get shit for it?"

Sicheng shook his head and thought about the prejudice non-soulmate couples face over people who believed it would upset the balance of the world and that the stigma of leaving someone's soulmate waiting as they married someone else was a battle that still continued to this day. It must've been hard.

"I'm not forcing you to make the choice now. I just want you to get yourself together that you can finally make your choice. Winwin, we're all worried for you three."

"Why are you telling me this again?"

Ten squeezed his shoulder, a heavy sigh out of his lips and said "It's time to end this drama once and for all."

It was then that Yuta came in, eyebrows raised at the rather intimate scene between them and joked that there was something going on behind their backs to which Sicheng threw a pillow at him for and Ten rolling his eyes.

Alone in his room now, Sicheng heaved a sigh. There's too much in his head for him to fall asleep. He can't call Kun because the elder would tell him no matter what his decision, he will have to live with it for the rest of his life and he didn't need philosophical words. Yuta has said what he needed to say to him before and talking about it face to face would only make him cry while Jaehyun surely wouldn't be any help because he was in the middle of guilt-tripping him for everything.

He knew what he wanted but he doesn't know if he's strong enough to admit it to himself. He was going to hurt someone and he knew it.

The door is being opened and he looked over his shoulder expecting Yuta to have come back already but his eyes widened at the figure in the doorway with his hood up dripping water on the floor. He bolted up the bed, wincing before the door is closed and the person moved to his side helping him adjust his body. Sicheng blinked in confusion despite the fear in his senses before the hood is taken off and black hair ruffled from the movement without any flowers come to view-

"Taeyong-hyung?" he whispered, emotions swarming all at once when he saw the elder's eyes stare at his flower crown, the buds of berrirose hiding under the white violets about to bloom and the wayward white gauze dressing his wound. Sicheng wrung his hands on the sheets at the sudden nervousness he felt.

Taeyong gulped, mouth parting with a click and he wiped his lips with his palm as he looked at anywhere but Sicheng's eyes. It was something out of the blue but Taeyong grabbed the younger's cheeks with both hands and placed his forehead on his before closing his eyes. The short distance made Sicheng notice the flush on the elder's skin, the smell of sweat and alcohol that he looked up at him with wide eyes trying to ignore his racing heart.

"Hyung?" he tried again and Taeyong chuckled, breath fanning against Sicheng's lips that he can smell the unmistakable odor of alcohol. "Why do you-Are you drunk?"

The elder sighed "It's weird. I don't know why I'm here." he laughed to himself, thumbs pressing harder on Sicheng's cheeks that it made him uncomfortable but he didn't move away.

Sicheng knew Taeyong drank but this something out of the blue; for him to come to the hospital after he took drinks from god knows where just to see Sicheng? It meant something serious because Yuta expressed how much more unguarded Taeyong was under the influence of alcohol and with everything between them hushed too much, there was no telling what they might say to one another.

"Where were you before you came here?" he asked, hoping he could get a decent answer because he didn't want to think how much of an accident it was waiting to happen if Taeyong drove here.

"I only drank water that Mark's parents put in their fridge. You know him, the kid from that get-together?" he finally let go of him and moved back to laugh with his head tilted to the side "It tasted funny and maybe it was gin or vodka but I don't really care much."

"What were you doing in Mark's house?"

Taeyong hummed, hands rubbing together as he blinked several times "Company mostly?" he chuckled "Because you see-" he placed a finger on Sicheng's lips "Can you keep a secret?"

A confused nod is all he got before he exclaimed a "I'm in love with you" while his hands are thrown over his head as he let out peals of soft laughter that sent Sicheng's insides churning.

His eyebrows furrowed before he opened his mouth to say anything but he closed it when he realized he felt like he was being suffocated and gritted his teeth as he fought off the urge to cry. His hesitance was enough to make Taeyong's laughter slowly morph into loud gasps before it turned to hiccups that Sicheng's eyes began to water.

Taeyong sounded so tired as he choked out his words "But a-along the way you knew that, huh?" he smiled bitterly, insincere and not fitting his face.

This was a confrontation Sicheng was not ready for that all he could gape before he covered his mouth to muffle the noise he made: a cross of a sob and a gasp that only made him sound like a child about to cry. "It's..." His learned Korean left him too fast, not even a speck of anything near words in his thoughts because he didn't know what to say to make it any less painful.

Taeyong understood that, the way his eyebrows furrowed as he forced himself to smile without it reaching his eyes and took both his hands into his. "Do you remember when we first met? The first words you said to me after you dropped that red yarn by mistake and the teacher wanted us to pair up for a project."

It wasn't hard to remember, the gleeful calling of the name that Kun gave him when he realized most people didn't know how to pronounce his real name without stumbling and the tug on the roll of yarn in his hands he was given. "Yes."

"You asked me if I was yours even when I knew you weren't using the right Korean form," he gave a slight chuckle at the memory "You used the form for lovers and I said yes even when I knew your mistake."

The stares from their classmates was enough for Sicheng to understand that and he didn't want to stall this or his heart is going to burst out. "Taeyong-hyung, please."

"Maybe I was yours since then without realizing. Maybe I'll still feel the same for a long time despite the circumstance. I don't regret meeting you but I think I set myself up for a trainwreck from the beginning."

Tears are sliding down Taeyong's cheek as he blinked them away and Sicheng knew he was also tearing up from the heaviness of the elder's tone despite the times his words began to slur from his emotions. "Stop. Don't do this yourself. I don't want-" Sicheng choked on the sobs that he accidentally made and Taeyong wiped his tears away with a light laugh.

"You know I'm always by your side no matter what you choose, right?" he muttered, breathing through his mouth with how his nose was getting clogged from the warm tears he was crying "I'm not going to hold it against you. I won't let whatever makes you happy get in the way of me taking care of you like I always did. I'm not going to lie but there will a lot of changes after this. You'll finally have that space everyone has been joking about and you-"

He broke down, knuckles rubbing against his eyes to stop the tears but it didn't help. His laughter was hollow that sounded like a strangled animal as Sicheng reached over and hugged him close, the elder pressing his clenched hands on his side as they both sobbed. There was nothing short of painful than admitting that you love someone and knowing without any words necessary that you can't tell them it's temporary as you pretend you didn't lose anything.

Taeyong couldn't help Sicheng when it mattered. Sicheng couldn't tell him how much he cared for him without the implication that he wasn't grateful enough to love him.

"Hyung, I don't-I don't know what to tell you." he stuttered as he buried his face on the crook of Taeyong's neck. Everything was overwhelming, any shed of composure they have left is drowned in the salty taste of the tears that kept falling and Taeyong's sobs were stuttering sniffles that was followed by little noises from the back of his throat that he silenced into Sicheng's shirt.

The elder finally raised his head, eyes red and puffy as the traces of his tears led to his mouth that he failed to wipe away "Winwin, just don't say sorry. There's just nothing I can do to force you to change your mind because you're one stubborn kid."

There's still a lump in Sicheng's throat and the sunken feeling of loss in his chest that made him clutch the front of his shirt. "You're someone very close to me. And I don't want you to be unhappy."

Taeyong gave a tight smile, leaning forward to kiss Sicheng's forehead before he lowered his head to whisper "You can't have both, Sicheng" and he placed his head on the younger's lap.

Sicheng didn't reply, carding his fingers through the elder's black hair before he realized that Taeyong was asleep. He shook his head in fondness before he took the extra blanket and draped it over the elder's shoulders. "Hyung, this doesn't mean that you should give up on your happiness. Not everything has to be about romance and you're too bright to be dulled from something like this. I was never worth everything you've done. Maybe this was for the best." Despite how he said that in Mandarin, it felt foreign in his mouth as he closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.

_Taeyong dreamt of another world where he sat under the tree in his parents' backyard, Sicheng sitting between his outstretched legs enjoying the calm breeze before he leaned down to kiss him. Sicheng laughed at the height reversal but only smiled into the kiss as the tips of the tea roses and yellow zinnias brush against Taeyong's forehead._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> berrirose - Choose your destiny, I won't give up my promise, I'll love you forever  
> white violets - Let's Take a Chance on Happiness  
> tea roses - I'll Remember; Always  
> yellow zinnia - Daily Remembrance


	16. Dead-head

Johnny felt like shit.

It's not even an exaggeration at this point, Ten even having to force him to change his clothes because he's been coped up longer than everyone who's used to seeing him around campus ask his roommate where he was. They didn't know what was worse; Johnny not being sighted or that Taeyong would confess he hasn't come back to their dorm for a week.

"It's like watching a drama series where you two are fighting over a guy except you're running away again and Taeyong has to solve some issues. No, wait, that's a tele-novella already." Yuta sneered at him when he tagged along Hansol who needed to get the borrowed USB he lent Johnny a month go. It made Johnny ignore him as he gave Hansol the little green item but because Yuta was elbowing his soulmate's ribs as he widened his eyes at him so he could say something, he did.

Hansol sighed. "When will you talk to Sicheng?"

"Just because Yuta cares so much, you shouldn't let him force you to care." Johnny snapped, regretting it immediately when the Busan boy narrowed his eyes in irritation and pushing Yuta behind his body as if to protect him. If there was something that scared Johnny, one of them was seeing the calm and quiet elder angry and one of the things that made him so was anyone talking badly about Yuta. It didn't matter if it was over something trivial or that Yuta's snark got the better of people, he didn't tolerate anyone blindly attacking him.

But Yuta doesn't look affected, probably from his concern over Sicheng and Johnny scoffed to himself. "If your head can get out your ass then please do it? Johnny, you've never been emotionally-constipated but now, you're just embarrassing."

Johnny didn't have anything else to say to them and he spun his heels to leave them. Sometimes, the truth hurts and Yuta loved serving that insight scalding hot.

 So yes, Taeyong didn't come back to their dorm. To tell the truth, Johnny avoided going back there as well and ended up doing his work inside Sehun's room because he's not part of their group who are all walking on glass with the entire issue. He only heard about what happened through Ten who didn't stop updating him over what was happening and nagging him to get out wherever he had been hiding to fix his mess. Taeil looked like he wanted to ask him if everything was alright now when they had Music Theory together and Doyoung was sending him squinted looks from the corner of the room texting Jaehyun. It's like a game of hide and seek except Johnny's hiding from the world as it tried to find him.

Ridiculous, really.

But it's not as easy as it seems.

How do you forget the comfort a simple gesture gave you when you're out of it and you wake up to a hand holding yours fit enough that it's almost like you were made for each other? He almost cringed when the thought came to him, unsure how he got so sappy over something so small and yet squeezed his hands around the long fingers that rested in his. His head felt like lead, a dull throbbing through his forehead that made it difficult to focus his gaze on anything but the bright lights over him.

He saw the blur of colors on the person next to him, beds touching and he blinked to try and clear his vision to find Sicheng breathing through a oxygen mask with a bandage on one of his flowers as he held Johnny's hand.

There was a stutter in his heartbeat, throat going dry with relief that his eyes were starting to water at the sight of a steady heartbeat on the heart monitor and he covered his mouth to stop the tiny sobs from escaping. It's a mess of emotions inside him: gratitude, comfort and peace mixing too much that he could feel himself wanting to vomit from the relief.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered to Sicheng's knuckles.

Johnny noticed many things on the boy, mainly the way his wrist was thinner and his skin dull from the loss of nutrients in him. The yellow carnations looked worse for wear with browning edges, shifting slowly into agrimonies and it made him smile a little. The younger boy had black shadows under his eyes, reminding Johnny of the time he took care of him; that time his feelings have become unbearable to deny.

The absence of one of his flowers threw him off-guard at first when he hobbled out of his bed, the pull of wanting to stay where he was tempting but he wanted to check on what was happening.

A whimper stopped him when he put a leg down his bed, grip tightening around his hand and he is pulled back with enough force his head hit the dip between the beds close to Sicheng's stomach. He looked straight at quivering lips and he lost the will to move when he found that being nearer to Johnny settled Sicheng down.

"Johnny? Are you awake?" Jaehyun's voice drifted into the silence of the room, jolting him upwards to face the other male who's carrying a bag full of food while Doyoung trailed behind him with an unreadable expression. Johnny didn't have any choice as he let go of Sicheng's hand, wincing when the latter's fingers clenched on air looking for the weight from before.

At that moment, Taeyong came inside the room and the atmosphere inside the room turned colder.

Johnny saw so many emotions flashing through Taeyong's face: the blank face he held crumbling down into being taken aback of the sight of Johnny and Sicheng being too close from his point of view before he bit his lip to stop whatever he wanted to say and forced a smile that made everyone in the room hold their breath. "Youngho, thank god. We were worried."

He laughed weakly at the odd mixture of hollow and concerned in Taeyong's tone. It's not that the other didn't care about his health but it's the irony perhaps that the one who started this is the one who fixed it and he said as much but Jaehyun threw a pointed look at Johnny to which Doyoung looked at Taeyong. The latter shook his head, turning around and whispering something to Jaehyun before he left the room as fast he came.

Doyoung glared at Johnny as well, gritting out a "You're an asshole" before he followed him.

"You're an asshole."  Jaehyun repeated, moving to put the bag down and then siding up to Sicheng to arrange the covers over him before turning to Johnny with his hands on his hips in a stance that can only be described as an ahjumma ready to scold him.

Johnny hated this. "You're not obligated to also say what Doyoung said."

"Do you have any idea what Taeyong is going through right now?"

"Are you taking his side? Is that it?" the elder felt his blood boiling at the accusations being thrown his way, the silent admission that this was all his fault for bringing himself between a perfectly balanced relationship and ruining it "How is this always about him? Have all of you even considered where I stand in this? I've reconsidered too much for Taeyong's sake but this is just something I can't control anymore!"

Jaehyun didn't even back down. "You're the worst person for him. Were you thinking about what he was going through while you lived your life not caring about the consequences of your actions? Did you stop and think why he had so much negative emotions around his flowers instead of calling him a rebellious child who needed to grow up? When will you learn that every time Sicheng had to go through his allergic fits, his parents never wanted him to meet his soulmate because you never cared enough to consider what burden he carried as you fell in and out of relationship you knew wouldn't work because goddammit, Johnny, you were looking for your soulmate despite everything?" he breathed deeply, his flower crown almost mimicking his emotions at the bellflowers and elderflowers framing his head. Jaehyun was never the type to yell, too mature for meaningless taunts but his frustrations were at its peak at Johnny's stupidity.

What Johnny said next however, surprised him.

"Sometimes, we make mistakes. It's something I learned over the months after everything. Yes, I was irrational and taking out my anger to a society too obsessed with flowers on my soulmate. Yes, I didn't think it through as I tried to go against what fate wanted but if you think Taeyong is having a hard time because he's lost his soulmate, I lived in fear that the judgmental shits of society would break my parents apart. So you know what? Fuck off," he choked down the scream he wanted to make and dug his wrists into his eyes to rub away the sting of the stupid tears that were about to fall "Fuck off because I'm done with everyone telling me that I'm not fit for my own soulmate."

That was the last thing he said to Jaehyun as Dr. Kyungsoo came in to check on Johnny, asking if he were alright in being discharged early or would prefer to wait for Sicheng to wake up.  There was no hesitation in his voice as he replied he was ready to leave.

He didn't go back to the dorm and arrived in Sehun's doorstep in time for a pretty male to storm out with an arrangement of marigolds and narcissus that Johnny realized was a teacher he saw from one of the departments. The male was furious as Sehun got out a few seconds later with his black hair wet and water dripping down the ox-eye daisies he sported, sparing a short glance at Johnny before he ran after the male.

"Where was the peace I've had for years? Why is everything a spectacle of weird romantic drama?" he told himself as he got inside the doorway left open and face planting into the couch.

There was a kick on his side as he woke up from his nap, looking up at Sehun who was staring at him worriedly before handing him a cup of water. "Again? I think you've run to the wrong place to find peace. It's a mess in here."

Johnny eyed the peonies and honeysuckles around Sehun's head before he drank the water. "Rough night with the missus?" he asked, more as a joke but the elder rolled his eyes this time.

Sehun didn't answer as he checked his phone, yelling that Johnny should find the blankets for his stay on the couch because the guest bedroom was unusable. He didn't ask anything about that, nose crinkling at what he didn't want to think about at the moment.

Ten found him three days before holding a bowl of Cheerios and drinking the remaining milk  wearing the same shirt from when he visited the hospital, his teachers convinced he's sick to lay him off his schoolwork. He had to threaten him with a knife for Johnny to go back to his classes but that wasn't enough to make him go back to the dorm as he opted to just go to class, abandon socializing and go back to camping out on Sehun's couch even if he had to hear every petty argument that turned into sappy confessions in the middle of the night.

There's many things that Johnny needed to fix. Mark was asking him to continue their dance sessions otherwise he'll get rusty with the routine, their dorm monitor Jondae was asking why they abandoned their room when they knew they'd still pay for the electricity and water and he needed to face Sicheng once and for all.

His body didn't want to cooperate and his mind was a jumbled mess that in the end, he was holed up indoors.

"He's discharged now." Sehun said to him as they watched a football match on the television, a rerun of something that the elder has already seen from when he went on those rare dates where his boyfriend wasn't traveling to China to lecture seminars on Literature.

Johnny raised an eyebrow and Sehun continued talking with his mouth full of popcorn. "What?"

"Sicheng? Or is it Winwin like your group calls him? He was in Luhan's class and he got a lot of work to catch up on after his time in the hospital."

Johnny suddenly felt his blood run cold, heart beating faster at the mention of the name he's been thinking about for some time in the middle of the night as he thought about how he was and if he will ever come for Johnny instead of the other way around. It's wishful thinking and he pushed it back when he remembered that he must've chosen Taeyong in the end. It made the anticipation he had fizzle down rapidly.

He pretended like he didn't know, blinking at Sehun. "What about him?"

"You don't look worried for a friend who had a near-death experience. I didn't ask the first time why you were avoiding your friends but because you devoured most of my groceries and made a fort out my couch, don't you think I deserve to know?" the elder said and picked at the seam of his sweater, thinking to himself as he let Johnny look at him in silence.

What can Johnny tell him? There's too much to say but nothing to say at the same time and it's the same miasma of confusion mixed with disappointment within himself and at everything that has happened in between the feelings he developed and the fear of hurting a close friend he didn't want to lose. Everything that he felt, the kaleidoscope of emotions, good and bad: happiness, elation, comfort, irritation, jealousy and frustration he needed to suppress against his better judgement over his inability to just tell Taeyong that yes, he was Sicheng's soulmate and if he couldn't even tell his friends about it, how did anyone expect him to tell that to the boy himself?

It's a long story but he summed it as best as he could. "It's...complicated, to say the least."

Sehun snorted before he looked at the wall almost dazed, "You talk like I don't know what complicated means," he smirked to himself and shook his head "Like I'm not going through that."

"You are having a relationship with a teacher so I guess there's that."

"It's not really that simple. He's handling undergraduate classes and I'm in my master courses. Still, it's a scandal waiting to happen with Luhan well-known in China so when the board found out you can guess that they weren't happy."

He did recall that. The times that Sehun was being called over to the Director of the school board's room at inconveniencing times and he always came back with a blank face that didn't hide the stormy glint in his eyes and barely contained tension in his body as he gathered his things and left. Sehun was quiet, blessed with an impassive face people mistake for a bitch face and still a child at heart with how he handled himself. So it was a surprise when he said to Johnny he met his soulmate but he wasn't ready to introduce him to everyone. Not that Luhan needed to because Sehun's friends knew him already, hell, they were friends with him at some point before he was sent back to an elite university in Beijing.

It oddly reminded him of his situation. The helplessness of not knowing the answers to questions he's used to ignoring, the push and pull of doing what he knew was best and keeping everything in order. "I'm too sober for this."

Sehun hummed in agreement but still ate some popcorn. "It's the opposite. You've been drunk on denial. This is your flagged warning because you need to sober up."

Johnny threw a handful of the popcorn at him in retaliation.

 

When everything was lost, Johnny only had one person to go.

Someone who would give him the advice he needed without the bias of the situation and in the dead of the night when he knew that there was a higher chance of them answering, he dialed their number and thanking Jaehyun for reminding him to renew his international call subscriptions before he heard a click from the other line.

_"Youngho?"_ A pause before a click of a tongue can be heard _"Why are you calling me when it's late there?"_

Johnny chuckled, elbows leaning to the metal railing of Sehun's balcony so he wouldn't disturb the elder with this. _"_ Hello too, mom. I wouldn't call you in the morning when you're asleep. What kind of son am I if I did?"

His mother's light chuckle warmed his chest, already missing her and he couldn't help the wide smile that overcame his face as she said _"When did I teach you how to be smooth? You need to visit here so I can pinch your cheeks."_

"Mom, it would be better if you came here instead. It would be easier."

_"Youngho, Youngho,"_ she cooed that sounded more scolding as Johnny heard something clink in the background. She must be eating at this time and he imagined her enjoying some eggs and hot dogs mixed with a dipping made from mustard and pickles, the memory prickling his heart at how he missed her _"If I managed to finish my contract with the company, I would. I'll come and stay with your father the minute I'm free from all these elitist pricks who thought they can do my job better."_

"Please. No one can fix a deal like you can. I'd like them to talk to a client despite wearing mismatched shoes and a sweater decorated with black cats."

They both laughed, the tension Johnny felt vanishing at his mother's presence like it always did. She was one of the escapes he had when he was stressed, just listening to her day as she spoke of her job as the executive director for the design department and how Chicago had been while Johnny was gone. She didn't speak much of her family, opting to give some positivism to Johnny knowing when he called he was either terribly missing her or having a bad day. She was always in tune with him it was ridiculous.

Her laughter subsided and she hummed for a second before she asked _"What's wrong?"_

Johnny sighed into the phone cradle and she mirrored it. "It's nothing."

_"I'll be the judge of that, Youngho. Last I heard from you, your father said you were missing classes and that's something you rarely do."_

He used his finger to trace the surface of the railing, metal cold to touch as he began to explain to his mother everything: the first hospital visit, how he was suddenly meeting his soulmate in the most sudden situations, the downfalls made from a miscalculated rejection that wasn't one and how there was someone who was more fit for Sicheng. He told her about how Sicheng was allergic to flowers, told her about how he has been suffering for years and how he was so close to death just a few days before.

She was quiet for a long time, humming every once in a while to signal she was still listening and Johnny was wrapping up his story with how he's staying away when she cut him off. _"Do tell me about him."_

He paused. "Who?"

_"Sicheng."_

"You mean Winwin?"

_"You kept saying the name Sicheng I assume it's his name. Is that what he's called too?"_

Johnny straightened a little, confused at his slip-up. "Yeah..."

" _Oh, Youngho. Have you even stopped and thought about yourself instead of trying to help others again? You always were too generous for your own good,"_ she scolded and he could hear her nails tapping against glass _"Tell me about Sicheng please."_

"He's a wonderful person," he sighed, lips stretching to a small smile "He's sweet but a little sassy, probably from hanging out with Yuta who likes to keep his words salty. Sometimes he looks like he can get toppled over with a breeze but he dances with so much strength that he can knock down anything that gets in his way. Sicheng's cute in every way, looks and mannerism even when he doesn't try and everyone babies him too much. He's strong, mom. He doesn't back down from anything and he's willing to learn."

He can almost feel his heart up his throat with the spreading feeling of warmth that bloomed through his entire body. He only realized his cheeks hurt with how much he was smiling and his mother might as well have seen him because she's giggling as she says _"You're in love."_

"Is it bad?" he asked, scared of what his mother might say but perhaps it was time to stop running away for real.

She gasped _"Bad that you're so in love with him or bad that you're choosing your soulmate despite our situation? Youngho, we never regretted loving each other and we never regretted having you. It was harder in the past, I know but times change and sometimes what people thought about me and your father didn't matter as long as we were happy."_

Johnny knew that but- "Mom, Taeyong would be better suited for him."

His mother held back a frustrated scream and scoffed _"Is he the one you're trying to woo?"_

"No but-"

_"Is that what everyone says?"_ Johnny didn't have an answer to that because it hit too close to home. _"Youngho Seo, I am going to ask this and you need to answer it with what you really think, okay? Do you want to be with Sicheng? Do you think that you could earn your place beside him despite everything? Do you believe that he is who you want to share your life for years to come?"_

Johnny didn't know how he couldn't hesitate, eyes blinking away the sudden warm tears about to fall at how his mother didn't need to hear him say anything to know what he felt. And maybe he can't even lie when she would only see through him. His mother was the best voice of reason because he knew that she was seasoned with her hardships and resilient against everything that was so against her marriage with someone that wasn't her soulmate. "...yes."

He can hear the light tinkle of her chuckle at the shakiness of his voice, something she only heard when he was younger and more prone to showing his weaknesses as everyone looked at him with mixed emotions.

_"Then that should be enough for you to run after him."_

Johnny thought back to the times he found how Sicheng fit him in many ways he didn't understand. Maybe all he needed to do was stop thinking too much and let his heart lead him through this time. When all has failed him, it's the only thing he has left to trust.

"I will."

And he meant that with his entire being, his flower crown comforting when they shifted. He went to slid the door open, reflection showing him a glimpse white hyacinths and white lilacs as he went inside to fetch his wallet before leaving the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carnation - rejection, disdain, You have disappointed me  
> agrimony - Thankfulness  
> bellflowers - Disappointment, loss  
> elderflowers - Compassion  
> ox-eye daisies - Patience  
> marigold - Cruelty: Grief Jealousy  
> narcissus - Egotism; Formality; Stay as Sweet as You Are  
> peonies - Shame, bashfulness  
> honeysuckle - Devoted affection, bonds of love  
> white hyacinths - Loveliness; I'll Pray for You  
> white lilacs - Youthful innocence, memories
> 
> (i lost the second part of this so please be patient as i rewrite it because i swear it's the finale /sobs/)


	17. Cultivation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end. Thank you for everyone who stuck this long reading this and leaving comments and kudos. I'm going to revise this after two weeks as requested by my beta.  
> Enjoy the holidays, guys!

The convenience store was quiet at this time of the night, employee behind the counter looking over Sicheng as he traced the condensation on the glass door of the refrigerator lost in thought.

Why was he here again? It's like revisiting a crime scene; it felt wrong to be here again after what happened, the employee looking over him with wide eyes in recognition and she offered him a polite smile. He nodded back in greeting, walking past the ice cream refrigerator where he collapsed as he searched for a bottle of water but he stopped when he felt his flower crown shift. Out of instinct, he covered his mouth and stared at his reflection, staring at the azaleas that had sprouted while the part covered by the gauze seemed to be reacting with how he felt the tingly itch against it.

It only made him remember the fallout between him and Taeyong after what happened in the hospital.

Sicheng was never good with himself when he was in unfamiliar situations. The time he was discharged, it was Yuta helping him pack up and leave the hospital as well as Kun giving him clothes to wear. He was looking over at the door every ten seconds, waiting for something that made Yuta roll his eyes as he stood next to him with a towel for his hair.

"Stop that thought right there, Winwin." Kun looked over them when Yuta said that, sighing in agreement that Sicheng jumped a little. He furrowed his brows in confusion and opened his mouth to say something but Kun beat him to it, speaking in Mandarin for good measure.

"Sicheng, he's not coming. Don't wait for him anymore."

Yuta merely patted down Sicheng's neck when the boy stood frozen at the elder's words. He looked like he wanted to add more but with how he saw the genuine blankness on Sicheng's face, he chose to shut up and Kun didn't try to say anything else.

The confusion on his part was from not knowing who Kun was referring to when he said that. Except as the days passed by and turned to a week of something missing, Sicheng only realized that it meant both ways. 

The absence of someone passing him a handkerchief as he walked through the crowded hall was apparent, the feeling of missing someone patting his back to stop him from hacking from the littlest things that his coughs stopped because he looked up to just see no one near and walking alone without anyone by his side that is always filling the air with their laughter. The feeling of being lost in the middle of many people and no one to grab him down to their neck to hide him from the pollen, then the looks sent his way as he sat alone at the corner far away from the person everyone is so used to seeing him with for months.

Taeyong still looked over him. Taeyong always stared at him from afar, eyes on Sicheng when he thought that the younger didn't know and never took his eyes off until he knew Sicheng was out of sight. It was the prickling sensation of wanting his friend back but every time he tried to catch his eye, the elder would look away and Sicheng felt the unspoken dismissal between them.

It was for the best. Sicheng can't stand thinking how much he was hurting him all this time. Guilt is weighing him like an anchor that he can't find it in himself to pretend that Taeyong would move on that easily.

Maybe he can't move on from the thought of how insensitive he probably was to him. It's only been a week without him and he was looking at his medicine cabinet, prescriptions scarce that he sped-dialed Taeyong out of habit. The call went through, ringing into his ear when he panicked and almost cut it off but when the first ring turned to three then to five before there's the monotonous recorded message of "Sorry. I'm busy. Leave a message" that echoed inside Sicheng's ears. There's something disconcerting as it clicked and ended, his heart empty as guilt washed over him like a prickly feeling. He never had a call with Taeyong where he didn't answer and it kept him awake for a while.

He sighed, taking out a can of coffee and closing the fridge as he turned around to make way to the counter but halfway through the chips aisle, he looked up. There's a stutter in his chest that made him stumble on a protruding tile and he immediately face the shelves of  the Lay's that were neatly stacked next to each other.

Breathing deeply, he tried to walk sideways to avoid the person behind him that has their back to his inspecting the aisle across him with little space in between them. Just a little step backward and they'll collide, Sicheng almost can feel the warmth radiating from the person and he wants to pull at the denim jacket but he can't.

"Where are the Lay's chips in this place? Why am I even-"

Sicheng froze and he turned to look over his shoulder, eyes on the back of the person's head with their arrangement of balsamine and daffodils bowed down on their hair before the person is turning enough that their eyes met.

Johnny blinked at him and he gulped at how his throat became dry.

"-here..." he finished and Sicheng saw that he was wearing a mask pulled under his mouth. There's a beat of silence in between Johnny looking at him with guarded eyes and Sicheng avoiding looking at him in the face to stare at the shelves behind him.

Out of courtesy, Sicheng bowed in greeting and said "Good evening, hyung" despite how fast his heart was beating.

Johnny snapped out of his stupor, nodding and bowing as well. "It's good to see you."

Both of them straightened up, unsure what to say. Sicheng opted to grab fistfuls of his shirt to stop his hands from sweating and Johnny put his inside his pockets before he changed his mind, letting them dangle on his sides.

There's an employee walking behind Sicheng to get to the back room making him walk forward and Johnny backed away to avoid crowding the boy's space that he hit the packets of candy behind him, plastic crinkling and audible thumps echoing through the store as they fell on the floor that the employee gave him a dirty look before he disappeared into the back room.

"Well, this is just great." Johnny murmured as he crouched down to pick them up, hair falling to his eyes and there's a movement at the corner of his eyes as Sicheng mirrored his actions, nimble hands picking up the remaining packets and depositing them to their rightful place. Johnny let him, too close to Sicheng that he needed to crane his neck away to avoid giving him any whiff of the flowers. They placed the items in silence once more before Johnny spoke up with a bit of hesitance.

"So...why are you outside without a mask?"

Sicheng placed his fingers on his lower lip, Johnny's eyes following them "Does it matter?"

"Granted last time you were careless you got into the ER," the elder casually said, hands moving in air to gesture at the flowers "How did your time leaving the hospital go?"

"Well, wouldn't you like to know when you left early." It came out like a hiss, something Sicheng nearly bit his tongue for as he smacked his lips to regain his composure. He hadn't meant to say that, Johnny's sudden response only fueling the awkwardness.

"I don't think I'm welcome there really. Who'd want me there?"

Sicheng once again lost control of his mouth as he cut the obvious rhetorical question based on the elder's dismissive tone "I would."

Johnny pursed his lip, head swaying to the side before he ducked his head to cover his mouth. Sicheng felt the brush of new petals against his forehead then the softness of Johnny's free palm that rested against his nose despite the latter looking down. It's an odd thing to do but the contact made his lips tingle when Johnny composed himself and moved his hand away, smile barely peeking out with how he's hiding it by biting his lips.

"Why are we even having this conversation?"

"Why are you asking me?"

It is then that Sicheng finally looked into Johnny's eyes, the mirth in them making a strangled guffaw escape his mouth before Johnny made a high pitched sound from the back of his throat and they laughed together, noise making the employee look at them in confusion.

Sicheng's phone beeped, Kun's name flashing across the screen when he pulled it out and unsurprisingly, he's been gone for an hour that the elder probably thought he got lost again. He sent an apologetic look at Johnny who was quick to say "I'll take you back to your dorm."

What did he just- "I don't need a chaperon-" the younger shut his mouth, his train of thought taking him to all the instances he was never alone and shuffled his feet against the floor.

Johnny didn't comment at that, only saying "I'll walk you" and Sicheng didn't have enough time as the elder tilted his chin to tell him to pay for his coffee. The cashier came back to the front when they approached the counter, inquisitive eyes trying to understand why the two were keeping a safe distance between them but scanned the can of coffee before taking the exact amount.

They left the convenience store, walking next to each other in the silence of the night. There were less vehicles roaming the streets by this time and the lamp lights were casting a rather dull white glow that illuminated the area. Sicheng stuck close to the side of the road, eyes on the little lines on the concrete as he tried to think of anything to say to Johnny who was stealing glances with the corner of his eyes.

What do you say to your soulmate after you've been dancing around each other until it put both of you in danger? In the silence of their walk, Sicheng thought about how Johnny was as a person and as soulmate.

He was quick to judge, he was confident in everything that concerned himself, he was the person you'd look up to with his good looks, easy smile and helpful nature. Johnny was in par with Ten, undisputed in his charisma and considered a role model among the students of their school. He was very different from Sicheng: Johnny was resilient, never backing down even when he knew he was at odds and flourishing after the battle. Johnny was comfortable with his own skin that it felt like no one can break down the armor he surrounds himself, everyone but a part of his life that would only mold him to more success.

But then Sicheng saw something else under that bravado, underneath all that cool persona he wore against the world.

Johnny was still the child whose parents weren't soulmates in a society who thought it was unheard of, the boy who endured in the past to grow up stronger to protect the family who thought him about the world. He was never against soulmates; he was against his own conflicted feelings of accepting something that he believed was an unnecessary constriction that bled into his schema over what truly matters at the heart.

They were so different, he mused. He was considerably reserved, blending to the background as much as he could with his long legs and incessant allergies. He loved to be comfortable with the presence of a select close friends, sharing pleasantries only when necessary and liked absorbing information instead of saying anything about it. Johnny was like the sun, people orbiting around him trying to bask in his light and Sicheng was one of the stars, hidden from plain sight in the sun's brightness waiting for its rest so it can shine in silence.

He's so deep in thought that only then did he notice Johnny crossed the street a few steps before him and he tried to keep up by quickening his pace.

There's headlights flashing at him, the roar of an engine as Sicheng turned to find that there's a motorcycle rushing straight at him. He made a step back but then his whole body is thrown to the ground as the rider swerved to a curve to avoid him and disappeared into the distance without as much as a second glance.

"Watch where you're driving, you moron!" Johnny yelled in English, breaths coming out in harsh huffs. Sicheng only realized that he was on the ground, Johnny's arms around him with a hand on the back of his head and there goes the calmness of his heart as it thundered in his chest when there is a telltale caress of fingers behind his ear. Johnny looked down at him, worry on his face as he asked "You okay?"

Words, right. Sicheng can do that. "Yes." he said before Johnny removed himself from his space, hand outstretched to help him up and his fingers are tingling as he held it to haul himself back to his feet.

They resume walking but this time, Johnny used the back of his hand to maneuver Sicheng so he was at the sidewalk, away from the road where he could be run over again and Sicheng can't help the small smile on his face at his concern.

They were different but sometimes, different can be good. Especially when it's being overcome with the desire to make room for adjustments. Johnny will always be unpredictable with how he handled his feelings and Sicheng would always find himself having second thoughts about whether or not he deserved a soulmate. It will take time and communication, something they're both willing to do but don't have the courage to and settle with walking next to each other heavy with confessions in mind.

If anyone looked at the two, the matching eglantine roses weaving through the mallows would have made them believe that they were on a midnight romantic stroll.

"How's the professors taking your return?" Johnny asked as they turned a corner, dorm building in sight before he noticed the wind picking up.

Sicheng hummed. "Mr. Min only told me to get more water and rest before he gave me a lot of outlines to catch up on. The rest of them just told me to recover safely and avoid flowers for a while." he scoffed at the implications like he hadn't been doing just that for years.

Johnny laughed to himself but then his eyes caught the bushes of weigelias that were the only splash of color in the dull colors of the building, pink and burgundy blooms standing out. The wind picked up again as they passed it, the flowers swaying to their direction and Johnny removed his mask to quickly cover Sicheng's mouth.

The action made the latter instinctively jolt back but because the elder knew he might, he grabbed him by the nape to make him keep walking until the wind died down and they were a few steps away from the bushes in front of the door of the dorm.

Sicheng moved away, eyebrows furrowed and heart painfully beating into a rapid pace. "Thank you." At this rate, he won't be able to breathe properly if Johnny kept this up.

He gave a small smile, opening the door and he entered first before gesturing Sicheng inside. This made the younger huff. "I'm not a girl you need to walk to the door, what the-"

"You really should stop forgetting I'm still older than you and your tone is a little disrespectful." Johnny chuckled in good nature as he pinched Sicheng's nose and the younger slapped his hand away to walk a few steps before Johnny followed him.

Sicheng doesn't know how this situation happened when he only wanted to buy something to drink but now here they were walking up the stairs with the elder walking behind him. It was something he should have thought over because there is an intense stare boring into his back that there are goosebumps on his skin. He never felt as small as he did under it and when he's at his floor, he saw several people looking over him with curiosity that only fueled the red flush that appeared on his cheeks.

They finally arrived at Sicheng's room, the sudden realization and what Johnny said about being respectful making the younger blurt out "Do you want to come in? I mean, for the trouble you can drink some water before you go."

"I don't think Kun would like to see me right now." the elder smirked, eyes crinkling as he held back his laughter.

"Well, he just has to get over himself because he doesn't completely own the dorm. I'm being a respectful dongsaeng." Sicheng said and turned the handle, opening the door enough that he can see Kun sitting on the couch reading through a book. The latter turned at the sound as Sicheng walked into the room to hang his coat with Johnny standing behind him, their eyes meeting and Kun's eyebrows furrowed before he made a tight-lipped smile at him.

Johnny shrugged and stage-whispered to Sicheng "Told you he wouldn't be happy."

"Wow. It took you only a week to invite him home after everything, huh? Sicheng," Kun said dryly, saying the younger's name with an annoyed grunt "What is going in that head of yours?"

Sicheng glared at him and it's as effective as a kitten's "It's not what you're thinking."

"Seriously, I'll just go-"

Kun clapped his hands and burrowed into the cushion as he held his book back to his face "You do whatever you want to do. You're old enough to do your decisions now."

Johnny rolled his eyes and he let Sicheng lead him into the kitchen. Kun gave him one last pointed look before he disappeared from his line of sight and concentrated on the younger boy who is taking a kettle from the lower cabinets to fill it with water, placing it on the stove to boil. He looked nervous, biting his lip as he tapped his fingers on the countertop for a few seconds until he seemed to realize he still hadn't brought out the tea bags.

"What would you like?"

Johnny made a face, sitting down by the table to rest his elbows on the wood. "Well, I'm expecting water because I don't want to get my hopes up."

It took some time for the water to boil, Sicheng walking back and forth with his arms crossed not being able to keep still and Johnny just staring between his folded fingers on the table and Sicheng's loud steps. There is a heavy atmosphere around them, something that made the younger nervous about anything that could disturb the silence. He took out the coffee he brought, finally placing it into the fridge and then went to retrieve the small ceramic pot that contained the green tea Kun got with him last month. He placed it on the table in front of Johnny's hands, the kettle whistling that in his surprise he let go of the container and Johnny instinctively stopped it from spilling by holding it on the other side, fingers a solid weight against Sicheng's as he balanced the item back on the flat surface.

"You need to calm down," Johnny muttered as Sicheng moved away to pour hot water on white mugs and he placed it to the table, sitting across the elder chuckling nervously "It's just me."

"That's the problem. It's just you." Sicheng admitted, stirring into the water before he placed a tea bag into it.

Johnny did the same, humming. He looked over at the boy's head, carnations and germaniums bright against the light of the kitchen that it almost felt like his own emotions were screaming at him. He took a deep whiff of the tea, light soothing smell giving him a little comfort before Sicheng took some honey to give to him.

"It's weird that you didn't have Taeyong with you. I thought he was crashing here when he didn't come back to the dorm-"

There's a thump at the mention of Taeyong's name, Sicheng slamming his mug without realizing and Johnny raised a brow.

There's an uncomfortable expression on the younger's face, lips sucked in as he looked into his mug. He sighed before he let his lips rest on the rim "Taeyong-hyung is...taking some time away from me, I guess."

There's a heaviness settling into Johnny's skin, the implications of what Sicheng said running through his head and none of them meant well. "What do you mean? He should be with you after the surgery because that's where you need him the most and-why?"

"Because he's in love with me and I can't return it."

The drop in his stomach made the tea he just drank taste more bitter than it really is. Johnny closed his eyes, trying to drown out the relief that clashed with the pain that came at the revelation. It was insensitive of him to bring up Taeyong at such a short time that Sicheng and Taeyong have fallen out of each other's orbit. It was also, some sick satisfied part of him, relieving to hear those words from the younger's mouth despite how twisted it was.

Taking Johnny's silence as time to explain, Sicheng continued. "It must sound so ungrateful of me. Everyone always said that Taeyong has done everything he can to keep me safe from this mutation and he doesn't make me sick enough to go to the hospital. There's really nothing to complain about him. He's one of the most important people in my life but it's really not that easy."

The younger took a deep sigh. "There was always something that I couldn't reach whenever I thought of Taeyong. It's something that bothered me a lot because even if he would go to the moon and back for me as everyone implies, he's holding himself back on my behalf. There are a lot of things he could do that he never did because he wanted to put me as first priority. The dedication is meant well but it's something that I don't want. I look up to him so much, I care for him so much and still, I don't want him to stay by my side when I knew I've been holding him back. It's selfish of me to just use that excuse that if I wanted it to work, it would but I know. I just know that I'm not the one that deserves him if I hurt him for so long without knowing."

Johnny listened, not knowing what to do that would comfort Sicheng. The younger drew a shaky breath that made the smile he had painful to see as he continued. "Am I pathetic for doing that? Is it my fault that I chose my soulmate even if everyone is so against it?" he placed his knuckles to his mouth to try to stop his shaking "I didn't even know you were my soulmate until you gave me that transplant. I didn't know that when I started to loving you and they don't understand how difficult it is to realize that I had to be rejected before I knew it."

The elder stood up and gathered the boy into his arms, trying to soothe him that Sicheng laid the top of his head on Johnny's chest to hide the tears that fell down as he did so. It wasn't about the flowers that made him sad, it wasn't just about him hurting Taeyong too much and it wasn't because it was too soon to tackle with his feelings.

But it didn't feel wrong being wrapped in Johnny's arms.

Johnny spoke in a whisper, calming tone straight to Sicheng's ear. "I'm so sorry you feel like this. I'm sorry if I'm coming on too soon but Sicheng, there is nothing wrong with you. I was too stubborn to accept everything when I first knew. It's not easy for me but I never stopped to think if it was any easier for you and I'm an asshole for doing that. I thought it would be better if Taeyong took care of you but look at this mess I made instead. I don't deserve you," he placed his palms on Sicheng's jaw and raised his head enough to look into his eyes that were filled with fear "But that doesn't I don't want to try. I want to try because I love you and it may not be what people want but I will do my best to not hurt you again. I might make mistakes again and when I do, I want you to be there to set me straight because we've been running in circles that we never stopped to look back. Let's try, okay?"

Sicheng grabbed the sides of Johnny's shirt and nodded, tears falling once more as he let out choked sobs.

"We're not perfect people. I'll probably isolate myself from you just to prove I can live without you and you'll want to go back to the habits you had before. You'll hurt me one day and I might keep endangering you if I'm not careful with my feelings. Sicheng, it won't be easy." Johnny murmured before he rested his forehead on Sicheng's, noses brushing and he closed his eyes.

"But it would be worth it," the younger replied and laughed, hands resting on top of Johnny's "Wouldn't it?"

"I would like to think that maybe sometimes, it's not about the idea of having someone made for you. But more of the effort, the choice, the understanding and communication that you need to go through before you reach a compromise that someone would do to make it work between them. I'm looking forward to whatever happens afterwards and I'm looking forward to being able to discover more to you, Dong Sicheng."

Sicheng laughed, airy and light that it made Johnny laugh with him before he said "Is this the part we save the date?"

"Save the date," Johnny replied before he placed a kiss on his forehead "That's hilarious."

Sicheng felt his the blood rush to his cheeks, hiding his face once more into Johnny's shirt as the elder looked down at the arrangement of white camellias and blue violets that he was sure matched with his except he probably had peonies with how Sicheng felt like never letting his face lift from the fabric of his shirt.

Kun looked at them from the doorway, hiding in their sight as he took in the two of them with a look of satisfaction. It's an odd concept for him to see them anything but two people whose differences would have made it difficult to connect but with how Johnny was holding Sicheng and the latter clinging to him, the idea doesn't sound so far fetched anymore. The flower crowns are meant to guide you and it's only up to you if you chose to follow its directions. 

He closed his book and smiled, leaving the couple alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> azalea - Take Care, temperance, fragile, gratitude, passion, Chinese symbols of womanhood  
> balsamine - Impatience  
> daffodils - Uncertainty, chivalry, respect or unrequited love, return my affection  
> carnations - Fascination; distinction; love  
> germaniums - gentility, determination  
> white camellia - You're Adorable  
> blue violets - Faithfulness  
> peony - Shame


End file.
